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Submitted by Vibha Rani on 25 April 2020

Breast cancer survivor, Vibha Rani, who had stayed indoors for 7 months for her cancer treatment, is able to handle the Covid-19 lockdown with ease as she pursues her passion of theatre, writing, folk singing and behavioural training – all online.

I am a breast cancer survivor. Like hundreds of other women, my story too begins in denial. It was during self-examinatio naround 2010 that I discovered a lump smaller than a size of a pea on my left breast. My first instinct was to run to a gynaecologist. We women think because we have breasts and a uterus, all health complications can occur only related with the reproductive organs. Anyway, my doctor was very dismissive about the lump. She said after 40, when we are nearing menopausal stage, we women get glands in our body. “It is nothing, don’t worry.”

Wrong diagnosis

I was hugely relieved. Thankfully, it was just a gland. The fear of cancer runs deep in my family. My uncle had died of throat cancer, my brother with mouth cancer and my sister-in-law with breast cancer. But no matter how aware or educated we may be, acceptance is hard.

So I continued my life in the belief that I had a benign lump in my breast and there was nothing to worry. As I dabble in various art forms, I used to keep a busy schedule. I write short stories and poetry. I do theatre and films. My latest film is Laal Kaptaan. I am a folk singer. I present old, traditional folk singing of my region that is Mithila. I am also a motivational speaker and I do creative workshops. Besides, I had my family to look after. I have two grown up daughters, one of whom is now married.

But in this whirlwind I continued with my self-examination. I felt the lump had grown marginally in size. I was still not alarmed. It was in 2013,with a shift in residence I changed my gyneac. On checking me, the doctor said to visit an oncologist immediately. It was a something I had been fearing for three years. Panic struck. The oncologist recommended a mammography and biopsy. At such anxious moments, you think of hope against hope. To my dismay, my tests came positive. My world suddenly seemed to be crushing me down. The tumour inside my breast was not a benign gland, as thought for three years, but a malignant growth. The news shook me badly.

Malignant growth

I was 54 years of age at that time.The surgery was performed. I was advised 16 cycles of chemotherapy and 31 sittings of radiation.

And so began my personal challenges. More than me, my family feared for my life, especially considering that three close family members had succumbed to cancer before me. Everybody was nervous. I told myself that I had two paths ahead of me – either I could be embittered and gloomy, or I could keep my spirits up and be strong hearted. I decided to choose the latter, more so for my family.

My doctor was Dr Mandar Nadkarni, surgical oncologist at Kokilaben Hospital. I decided to follow the doctor’s treatment protocol fully. I didn’t opt for any alternative medicines or therapies. His first instructions were that I confine myself at home, and not go anywhere. “I know you are a theatre person. I know you are restless to go out and perform. But you have to control yourself,” he advised. It was a painful journey, but I took it as a challenge.

Right through the treatment, my health kept going up and down, but the artiste in me helped surmount each day. Since I am writer and performer, I began writing about it. I even wrote poems on chemotherapy. That time on Instagram, there was provision for 15 seconds video. So I used to make videos. Then I started Room Theatre. How I can promote theatre in a very practical and economical way. In distress, creativity flows generously.

Hair loss

One of the big fears that troubled me was hair loss. I knew with chemotherapy I would lose all my hair. So after surgery, I went to the parlour and got a pixie haircut. It had to go. I know all females have a huge emotional attachment to their hair. It is their prized identity, their crowning glory. The day my hair started falling, I couldn’t control myself. Seeing my pillow covered with hair, I sobbed bitterly. But after a day or two, I controlled myself and began taking the bald phase sportingly. I even began to joke about it. I said, “Nature has given me an opportunity to go bald, I would have never done it otherwise. You can cut you hair short, but you will seldom go bald. It requires plenty of guts. So enjoy this opportunity.”

Hence, I didn’t go for any wig or scarf. I kept my scalp bald. At home, or during my visits to the hospital, I would leave my head uncovered. I used to put on light make-up during my chemotherapy, for my own pleasure. I used to get dressed, sport a large red bindi and have kohl rimmed eyes. At the hospital, the nurses would be happy to see me. As it is, patients undergo a physical transformation during chemo. Your face loses colour, nails get discoloured, and skin become dark. You also lose hair not just on your scalp, but all over your body. Sometimes your eyelash, eyebrow, and other body hair also falls out. But I took it all in my stride. In fact, I started the concept of Room Theatre, during this time. People got to know that I am suffering from cancer, and this is the chemotherapy phase. It is not a permanent state.

Celebrating cancer

The poems I had written during my period of fighting back was published as a bilingual (Hindi / English) publication titled Samarth / CAN in 2016. My “Cancer Awareness Campaign” is going through the poetry reading from “CAN” play based on these poems and on my real-life experience from the people in a satirical and comical form Popcorn Breasts, counselling people over the phone or in person etc.

I made a page on Facebook under the title of “Celebrating Cancer” and started posting my photos, poems with the appeal to others to share themselves. I am so happy, that people, who earlier did not have the courage to utter that they are cancer survivors, have now started expressing themselves.

Breast Cancer Myths I learnt

Along the journey, I learnt there are deep rooted myths and misconceptions about breast cancer that terrify women.

  1. The biggest fear that women have about breast cancer is breast removal. Breast cancer need not necessarily mean removal of the entire breast. It varies from case to case. It is a myth that breast cancer always means loss of one's breasts. My surgery involved removing the tumour not the breast.
  2. Hair loss is a temporary phase. Two or three weeks after your last chemotherapy, you’ll see a soft fuzz growing on your head. Your hair is finally reappearing.
  3. Third, pay attention to your diet. Follow the diet prescribed by your doctor. No outside food, no salad. Your immunity is low and your body is weak at this moment. You cannot afford to get any secondary infection.
  4. Avoid the sun. Your body is already getting a cocktail of drugs that generate a lot of heat.
  5. Going to the kitchen is absolutely forbidden. Normally, cases go wrong, when women start venturing into the kitchen while treatment is still on.
  6. Listen to your doctor. Don’t follow the advice of others.
  7. Stay away from negativity.

All of the lessons I learnt during my cancer treatmet, are also helping me during the covid-19 pandemic and lockdown phase. 

 

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