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Submitted by Akila Vaidyanathan on 30 July 2020

Nishant Sriram, is a young man on the autism spectrum and shares his feelings about friendships. His mother, Akila Vaidyanathan reflects on his friendships and relationships over the years.  

Till a few years ago it was believed that persons with Autism actually prefer to be alone and do not like or need friendships. However, there is more and more evidence and voices that prove that this is not really true. Persons with Autism have communication and socialization deficits which may come in the way of forming and sustaining friendships. However new research is showing that they do want to have friends and also are able to make friends with neuro typical peers as well as with those on the spectrum. Their ways of expression may be different. 

The friendships of persons with Autism look very different from the typical friendships. There is unconditional acceptance and no judgement of the other and at the same time they may not be very expressive with their feelings and thoughts. Friendships are usually forged when they engage in and enjoy some activities together as well as do activities or tasks that are symbiotic where all involved contribute in unique ways.  I have seen instant deep connects happen in our Adventure camps ,L.I.F.E camps and Art festivals and sometimes these last a lifetime.

My son Nishant who is now 24 has very few friends. Most of his current friends are other young men, on the Autism spectrum or with other disabilities, with whom he spends the whole day as a part of his internship. They work well as a team, understand and empathize with each other, share lunches and at times go out together for a movie or lunch. They also go cycling, trekking and camping together. In a sense they have got used to each other’s peculiarities and strengths and are able to connect in a very intuitive way which needs no words. Many are nonverbal like him but it is beautiful to watch them - sometimes they are just sitting next to each other holding hands, sometimes they perfectly understand the other’s need for silence or space and other times they clap and cheer and encourage and support each other through a difficult task and celebrate achievements. Nishant also has a soft corner for those not as mobile as him, he always goes upto a person on a wheelchair and often volunteers to help push the wheelchair.

As a young child Nishant was very friendly and caring. He was always happy to be around children and often idolized older boys. When he went to mainstream preschools and primary school he had a bunch of kids who were really friendly with him. He was invited for birthday parties and included in play and games and he really loved being around them. As he grew up the social gaps between him and his classmates widened and he had less and less friends in school. When he was 13 he was in a special school for 4 years and he made some very good friends there and a couple of them he still gets to meet and spend time with visiting at home or going out together to a restaurant or camping.

Today being friendship day I had a chat with Nishant about friendship and how one needs to celebrate it …he gave quite a philosophical reply initially asking us all to “Celebrate life” which has been his motto. He lives in the moment and celebrates what he can like the characters in his favorite movie “The Lion King” where Simba has this lovely friendship with Timone and Pumba and their motto is “Hakuna Matata”  .”No worries No Problems”

 He then went on to say he misses his friends who are also interns at Amaze and he has known since 2014 and spent every weekday and some weekends with .It has been four months since he met them…except he does get to see them online through the zoom interactions. He also mentioned his love for his friend Neel with whom he has a 10-year bond. They don’t meet often but Nishant’s face always lights up when we talk about Neel who is also on the spectrum.

As Timone says in The Lion King “ …”Friends stick together till the end”.

Akila Vaidyanathan is Nishant's mother and Founder and Director, The AMAZE Charitable Trust

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