Swarnalatha, who lives with the chronic disease Multiple Sclerosis, needs hospitalization for 6-8 weeks twice every year. She wonders if the pain is worth it and through metaphors and the books she reads finds an answer. Read her reflections from the hospital bed.
I am sure you have heard that when life throws lemons at you, make lemonade. Since there were too many lemons that we couldn’t consume, I started making delicious pickles. These lemons made several scratches on my glass house (Ego).
Sometime later, along with the lemons, life started throwing stones at me. It was painful and left visible cracks on my glass house. I grabbed them to decorate our garden with them. Some of them, I realised were unpolished diamonds. I created exquisite jewellery. Everyone was jealous looking at how I was able to afford such expensive jewellery.
After a while, along with lemons and stones, life started throwing big boulders. It shattered my glass house completely and I was severely wounded and bleeding. For a while, I kept aside these boulders and set thinking what to do with these. I let them be and concentrated on the healing. That’s when I could make statues out of the boulders and worship them.
There will be a day when a huge tornado would destroy every proof of my existence. No one would remember the lemonade, pickles, jewellery and the statue. They too would be washed out. Everything is and becomes insignificant like this blade of dry grass, although it felt so significant while I was clicking it.
I am trying to understand the meaning and connection between birth, life, its purpose and death. So I read these books over the last month:
1. When Breath becomes Air – Dr. Paul Kalanithi
2. Many lives, Many Masters – Dr. Brian Weiss
3. Butterflies, Parathas & The Bhagadwad Gita – Dr. Hari Haran
4. Make me a man: Message of Swami Vivekananda – Dr. T S Avinashilingam
Would I have a graceful death after facing so many lemons, stones and boulders? I have come to realise that Death is only a part of life. That point comes when it has to. We have no control over its timing. Why worry about that?
And Grace? Grace doesn’t come from knowing we are close to death. It comes from us living our lives truthfully, isn’t it?
Swarnalatha J, who was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis in 2009, is 75% disabled now, but that hasn’t stopped her from achieving her goals. Read Miles To Go Beyond My Multiple Sclerosis to learn how she sets an example for others of her community in handling depression and looking forward to life even after disability.
