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Submitted by PatientsEngage on 13 June 2016

B V Lakshmi, who has put up a courageous fight against cancer three times, appreciates life profoundly and says the mind has miraculous power to even change the effect of the DNA.

My mother was milking the cow when she had her pains and I was delivered right there in the cow shed in a huge family mansion house in Madurai! That’s why people used to say “Thavuttukku vaangeena pullai”, meaning bought from the cows!

I grew up amidst a large family in Chennai. My mother had 16 siblings. Life was great in the eyes of this little girl! We were a close knit family and I have fond memories of those times together.

Life first began showing its dreadful side when I was in class 10, nearing my Board Exams. My mother was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. Her surgery was unfortunately scheduled closer to my maths paper. Mother’s surgery was successful, but my results had a different story to tell. I had done very well in all papers, except maths.  I had failed in that one paper. I was devastated.

Inner struggle

A bigger shock came when my mother passed away at a young age of 39. I was barely 16 then. The responsibility of the house fell on my tender, inexperienced shoulders. I was now full time caretaker for the 3 (my father and brother) of us, cooking, cleaning and caring for the house. I stopped going out to play the way I used to and slowly withdrew into myself. I started sacrificing my own happiness. I imposed rules on my own life, opting to do things within the framework of family and not allowing myself to take pleasure in what I actually wanted do.

All this was a result of my thinking which led to a lot of resentment and anger being bottled up within me. I believed I had not been able to live my childhood completely. I was forgoing everything, without realising that I need not have been this way.

Years rolled on. I did my MA and a PG Diploma in Special Education. Of course by now, my father was keen to have me married.

Alliances were sought and in the traditional manner I met and married my husband Ramki. His work required him to leave the country and soon I found myself travelling to the US for an 11 year stay. There, I became mother to 2 beautiful girls in quick succession. Things were going pretty smoothly when my husband expressed a desire to go back to India. He felt a need to stay close to his parents and wanted to spend some time with them in their old age. Reluctantly I agreed. After all things appeared fine in the US and I did not want to relocate. 

We chose Hyderabad and moved there lock, stock and barrel in March 2011. Six months after our arrival back to India it reared its head.

Meet my Challenges

I had severe bleeding in August 2011 and consulted a gynaecologist. The doctor began by ruling out everything for this to occur and I was told there was a possibility of polyps. I was advised surgery. A month later I learnt, that I had also tested positive for cervical cancer. I was just shattered. Thoughts of my mother and her struggles with the dreaded disease played in my mind constantly; I did the only thing that gave me solace – pray. I prayed deeply for help and guidance.

 I have guidance

Just before my surgery I made friends with a neighbour who suggested I do a course in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming, an extremely popular self-help therapy). These classes started having a positive effect on me. Learning to stay positive and focussed was drilled into me in these sessions.

The chemotherapy and radiation treatment went off well. Coming back to see my father taking care of my small children who were just 6 and 5 years old and my husband beside me at every step of this, I learnt to be grateful I had a loving and supportive family and friends.

Another challenge; another fight

We decided to go on a much needed vacation to Coorg soon after the chemo. It was a great holiday! We came back and I went for a check-up as there was slight pain in my abdominal region. A growth was detected in my colon, this was unrelated to the uterus but an obviously a new development. I went through many procedures again. Colonoscopy showed that there was new growth in the colon and that I may need to undergo surgery again, the lymph nodes were positive and I had to go through another round of chemo as well. So once again I went through a major surgery to remove the growth and this was followed by rounds of chemotherapy.

I was broken down. I cried and again went into a cycle of self-pity. Was there no end to this?

The only people who I could find solace with was my NLP group. So I went back to my coach and asked her why I was going through all this again. She asked me to examine all the anger that I had not still let go. Negativity, fear and resentment of all my past were still within and she coached me on every minute aspect that I could work on.

Challenges come in threes

At this time my husband who had completed his assignment in Hyderabad, proposed we relocate back to Atlanta. My father supported his decision and felt that the move would be good for all of us as a family. Back in Atlanta, I went for a check-up. The routine check was normal but the yearly colonoscopy showed a new growth in the rectal region. We were in disbelief. What have I done to deserve this? My husband’s anguish added to my pain and distress. Is there no respite for us? Do we have to go through this once again?

Yet, this time I pulled myself together quickly and determined to look at all the positives that I could see in this situation. I met an onco-surgeon and decided to go ahead and have a colostomy, which was removal of the colon and an ileostomy which was an addition of a pouch for removal of body-waste. The surgeon said it would be a life altering surgery and I would also undergo a lifestyle change. I took the plunge bravely but not fully realising the impact it would have on my life.

Related Reading: How is Lakshmi doing 5 years later?

Being present to myself

The surgery went on for 10 hours as there were some complications. I came out of surgery with an ileostomy bag. It was very difficult those initial days. Every moment was a challenge. Managing the bag was a time consuming task and I would spend up to 4 hours every time cleaning and draining it. This was happening 3-4 times a day and half my day was spent in the bathroom.

Once I learned the proper management of the bag, my life was much easier and I could start doing things I wanted to. Meditating and walking slowly became a part of my routine. I soon got the courage to go out of the house and when I drove the car for the first time after this life changing surgery, I felt so thankful and liberated. Cooking all my favorite dishes, caring for my house, going out to meet friends or family and becoming independent once more, were goals I made and started achieving rapidly. I applied for a volunteer job at the local library and got it too!

My Learning

At every step of my life I encountered people who helped and supported me and gave me that impetus to keep me moving forward. My family was my first pillar of support and then my NLP group another pillar, with their help I started setting goals for myself and felt great joy when I saw myself reaching it.

I feel I have climbed a mountain and jumped off with full faith that life would protect me. I have learnt that I must live life to the fullest and take care of myself first before I can take care of others.

I only focus on the fact that the mind can work miracles over anything else and has the power to even change the effect of the DNA. I say “So, What?” and continue to be present in this moment as an authentic, happy person.

The article was first featured in https://reinventionstories.wordpress.com

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