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Submitted by Shikha Aleya on 29 March 2020
Dog waiting for biscuits and a cup of coffee on the table

Shikha Aleya, who has dealt with anxiety, shares her experience of accepting the changed scenario due to Covid-19, her self-care routines and coping strategies that address the various aspects that matter to her. 

I understand anxiety having worked through it over decades. First I suggest we accept that a certain degree of anxiety has its place in this scheme of things. What is that degree? To the extent that you are okay with it, understand it and are holding space for yourself. I choose these words carefully. We love, care for, and hold space for some people in our lives, we let them be who they are, safe in the knowledge that we will not judge them, overwhelm them with our thoughts, feelings and our view of how they should be. I'm saying, do this for your self as well.

Here is some of what I'm doing and some of what I think:

I understand my whole self, and another person's whole self, as integrating body, mind, emotions, soul, spirit, relationships, occupations, and other unknown aspects without a label. At this particular time in human history, self-care must consciously, necessarily, integrate some respect and make room for all these aspects, every day.

The body and care of physical health, we are all talking about and thinking about. I will not speak much of this. Sure, I gargle with warm salt water twice a day and I stay clean, I stay home. Except when I walk Dusty, my dog (Dusty in the pic above waiting for biscuits). I keep her paws clean. I ensure that her body does not touch objects outside our home, she does not rub against walls, gates or people. I keep her as contactless during these walks, as I do myself. I spoke to a friend just this morning, she is a dog expert and some of her points of advice were - 

(i) Don't bathe and wet your dog's body in a daily way in the effort to clean her the way you clean a human being in a daily way. Humans and dogs are different, so what we need to do for ourselves, is not what we need to do with them.

(ii) Keep yourself as healthy as you can so that your dog doesn't pick up something from you.

(iii) Keep your pet normal, healthy, reduce exposure to risk to the best degree possible.

Now emotional self-care. I'd like to tie this up with mental, soul and spirit self-care. This is how it works for me, it will be different for different people because feelings, minds, souls and spirits are so unique to each person.

(i) I maintain phone and messaging contact with a few people who are a part of my daily circle of support.

(ii) I have widened this circle to include space for some people who reach out to me, or I to them, because I find that this reaching out is happening in a mutual sort of way between people who are otherwise not necessarily in touch at a personal level.

(iii) I know that when you hear your own anxiety, it buzzes so loudly in your system that it is hard to reduce, release, or connect with anybody or anything else. So I do grounding exercises, that include breath work, micro meditation, cooking. Yes cooking.

(iv) I stay away from an over-consumption of news and messages about covid. Between my friends and me there is a spoken agreement to share verified information of necessity and use to each other. Hearing it, whatever it is, from a friend who is non-anxious and calm is a huge protection factor. I play this role with people and people play this role with me.

(v) I love music, I love writing, I'm doing a lot more of both now.

(vi) I love my work, I am expanding my understanding of subjects I work on using online resources.

(vii) I feel my feelings of love, care and concern for some people in my life and I look at this as a good thing. Something not always nurtured for a variety of reasons. Relationships are complex in non-covid times. They've become simpler now. For me. You decide what's important, what complexity you want and what you do not have headspace for.

Pic: Shikha with a mask

Occupations and self-care. Look this is a tough one. It is related to our resources, our being dependent on sources of livelihood, the support that our employers, co-workers, clients, and the larger administration and infrastructure gives us. Not everyone has access to resources some of us take for granted. Do what you can for yourself. Do what you can for someone else. 

Finally, relationships. So, this is another tough one. In stay home times we are not all happy. Not everyone is happy at home. Not everyone is safe at home. I am conscious of this. I have no solutions to offer but I offer this thought so that any reader of this piece who knows someone they love is unhappy or unsafe at home, you stay in touch with them over the phone, through messaging, the best you can. If you know someone who has a disability, or chronic or terminal illness, if you know families and people in caregiving relationships, stay in touch with them, over phone and messaging. See what they may need. See if you can and would like to help. Support, support, support. Relationships span enormous diversity and take many forms.  And please for people who are physically intimate, sexually active, in any way, with another person, please think through your specific circumstances. Read resources. Use your logic. This is not the time for winning, losing, ego, proving points. This is the time for greater understanding, patience, compassion and care.

Condition