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Submitted by PatientsEngage on 8 September 2017

Sweta Tiwary is a Volunteer, Mentor and Trainer at Connecting NGO, a Pune-based organisation working for the cause of Suicide Prevention. She shares with us various facets of a person in distress and how friends and family can support him/her.

Sweta, you are at the end of a toll free line – how many calls do you get daily on an average? What is the objective of a Helpline?

The Helpline numbers (9922004305* and 9922001122) are operational from 12noon* to 8 pm everyday. During these 6 hours, we usually receive 8-10 calls.

The objective of the Helpline is provide a space to those going through emotional distress of any kind to share their issues. The idea is to make them feel that they are not alone and to allow them to sit through their experiences. The conversations with the callers are usually agenda-less. The callers talk of situations and people and go deeper with their emotions.

Is there any brief that you follow when you attend a call, or do you generally go with the flow?

Connecting follows the principles of non-judgmental and non-advisory listening. We give emotional support to people who are going through any distress and/or are suicidal. The idea is to provide the caller with a safe and comfortable space where one feels free to share one’s pain. We go with the flow and explore their feelings, experiences and situations by asking questions.

Do you think suicide cases have been on the rise in recent years? Any particular age group?

As per WHO, in the last 45 years suicide cases have increased by almost 60%. Our Helpline statistics support this fact. As per our record, people between the age group of 20-45 are more susceptible to end their lives.

Do you tend to ask questions, as per your brief, or do you mostly listen to what the caller has to say? Do you think a call from a person is almost always for help?

Ours is an ‘active’ listening helpline where we try to go closer and look deeper into the caller’s pain. For this the volunteers enquire about their feelings and their coping mechanism around their distress without judging or advising them.

In one of the calls, a lady mentioned that she was feeling hurt because her husband jokingly called her ‘useless’. As we spoke about it, it became clear that she was going through more than what actually appeared – she was having a tough time due to lack of support from her parents, was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted looking after her 2-year-old son and lack of love and appreciation from her husband leading to extreme low self-worth and loneliness. She was feeling quite suicidal when she had made the call, but felt much better after sharing.

Not all callers ask for help. Some call just to share and to vent out. Are also callers who ask for financial help as they are in financial distress and turn to the Helpline for monetary help. Maybe, someone’s mother has been unwell which has triggered the financial crisis. They, of course, have to be gently told that the Helpline does not provide that kind of support to people.

We do have a list of referrals (psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, aids, other NGOs, de-addiction agencies etc) and if the caller needs them, we give them what seems to be the most appropriate option. But whether they call for themselves or for some referral programmes, the callers are always invited to share their distress. For example, when a caller asks for a psychiatrist, the volunteer gently enquires about his/her need for the same...and the conversation begins.

Unrealistic goals, a break down of family lives, depression, insecurity, competition, lack of communication….there are perhaps a number of reasons which drive a person to the brink? Can you always ascertain the cause behind it? Does the caller pinpoint it?

This pretty much sums up the factors that can cause distress. But more than the situation, it’s the difficulty to cope with the situation that drives a person to the brink. Sometimes a particular incident may trigger suicide ideation, but that may not be the real reason for someone to feel suicidal. The accumulation of various negative events over a period of time may lower the resilience of a person and things may seem worse as time goes by.

In one of the calls, the caller requested the volunteer to help him talk to his mother, who was not taking his calls. He said that this is making him feel suicidal. So, on the surface he not being able to talk to his mother seemed to be the trigger. But in the process of sharing his emotional turmoil with the volunteer, he ended up sharing about his bitter divorce, separation from his daughter, who he loved the most, his bi-sexuality and the fact that he was abused as a child.

Is there a difference between a caller who is contemplating suicide and a person who has already attempted it?

While enquiring about their suicide ideation, we try to see how the callers feel about it. For example, often for those contemplating for the first time, certain factors worry them. What if it fails? What if he becomes disabled from the attempt? Who will look after him then?. Amongst those who have attempted already, there are usually two groups of people. There are those who are glad to have survived. Then there are also those who end up angry after failed suicide attempts. They actually say that whenever they get the opportunity again, they will make sure that people who saved them this time will not be around, and they will make a stronger attempt.

What have been your most difficult experiences? A couple of case studies might help explain.

It’s a very subjective experience. Since each volunteer is different, each has a different set of concerns and hence different difficulties.

For me, one of the most difficult calls was when a man and his sister walked in together with the man's 9 year old daughter. The daughter had one failed kidney and the second one partially working. The man was in a debt of about 5-6 lakhs. The people he owed money to were threatening him and his family. The man was concerned about his daughter’s health as well as his sister, who should have been married by now. On the other hand, the sister was very distressed for her niece, her brother’s family, which was falling apart due to all the loans that he had taken and her own dreams of getting married and having a family being shattered. They were desperately looking for some help. When I told them this Helpline didn’t provide this kind of help, they surprisingly seemed quite ok with it and felt grateful that we heard them out.

Looking at the little girl and seeing the helplessness of her father and aunt were pretty difficult for me. Families often walk in together, wanting help. Some are suicidal, some are not. In a family wanting help, the sister might be thinking of committing suicide; the others might not.

What do you think a friend or a family member should do to help someone who has suicide on his mind or has attempted?

People who feel suicidal are basically yearning for love and understanding. The best way to help them is to show that we care. You can listen to them without judging or advising them. You can offer them a compassionate and a gentle space where they feel safe to share their whole baggage of emotions and thoughts.

Often a simple and a genuine “how are you?” opens a floodgate of emotions. You need to show care by giving respect to people who, at this point of time, are not able to see a way out. You can listen to them with compassion, try to understand what they are going through and reflect/acknowledge their feelings. A conversation that does not hint an advice or a judgment is very important to make them feel safe and comfortable. This encourages them to get clarity and to reach a conclusion for themselves. At any point of time if you feel the person is vulnerable to suicide, do not leave the person alone. Seek the help of mental health professionals or an emergency room of a hospital.

Have you ever been able to actually prevent a suicide attempt? What do you think are the tell tale signs of someone who might attempt suicide?

Since Helpline calls are anonymous, it is difficult to know what happens to the caller after he/she is done sharing with us. But some do call us to thank us for being there for them at the time of their distress.

There are numerous signs that can help us identify if someone is feeling extremely depressed or suicidal. You can notice if someone is feeling sad and/or isolated, if someone is saying goodbyes in some ways, if someone is, suddenly, giving away items that he/she always cherished, if someone is talking about death or suicide, if someone is feeling helpless, hopeless and worthless and if someone is doing self harm like cutting oneself.

Do you think it is easier for a person to talk to you on a Helpline for its anonymity as opposed to talking to someone face to face, like a family member? Which do you think works better for them?

For some, it is definitely easier and more comfortable, but for some face to face conversation works better. For them, we have walk-in option. In our Suicide Survivor Program, we meet people in person. They feel equally comfortable talking to us.

What can a family member do if he finds out that someone is playing the Blue Whale Challenge in his family?

A person who is contemplating suicide will look for like-minded people, and social networks are just the easiest places to look. People who are drawn to play such games may themselves be going through some emotional distress. Keeping an eye on their activities, being aware of any change in their behaviour, looking for warning/telltale signs, giving them support and seeking professional help, if necessary, could help the person address his/her own emotional issues.

 

* The helpline number and operational hours updted on 9th October 2019 based on the information on Connecting NGO FB page 

 

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