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Submitted by PatientsEngage on 27 March 2019
Mamta Prasad, short haired head shot in an outdoor setting

Mamta Prasad, who has Bipolar Disorder shares her journey with marijuana addiction, her use of art as a release and the impact her condition has had on her relationships with family and friends.

The earth is bipolar and so am I. Warm greetings to all that are reading further. Jokes apart, my story is one of addiction to marijuana and its ill effects. Psychosis and ensuing mania due to using marijuana for almost nine years. Nothing could stop me from using - not my parent’s plight, not my psychiatrist’s words or my worsening condition. I smoked anywhere between 9 to 10 joints a day. I liked being high, it was my crutch.

I had my reasons for using drugs; I was physically abused when I was 17 at dagger point and I was told that I would be used by men and never loved. This affected me greatly and I stopped being in contact with my peers and would push them away and became an outcast and social pariah.

Art As An Escape

This is when I discovered painting and art and started using palette knives and fingers to create. It was my release. And I escaped into my little world.

One of the psychiatrists I went to trained me in personal counseling and let me help the young adults that came to the clinic and I was so good at convincing them to quit marijuana and complete their degrees but I never did so myself. I was in a rut and wallowing in self pity.

Self-Love And Family Support

Self love is the toughest job you’ll do and the most rewarding too! Don’t wait for validation or someone to tell you your self-worth. You should love yourself! It’s the best gift you can give yourself and your caregivers.

I want to take a moment to thank my parents for being a rock and for standing by myself through thick and thin. They made me realize that life doesn’t end because suicidal thoughts plague you. They are the reason I’m still alive and wanting to live a healthy long life.

Today I’m sober for over a year and I’ve never felt better, I love my few friends that stood by me through tough times. I’ve lost some great friends due to mania in the past few years and regret it but I know now, that it wasn’t in my hands and I long for their forgiveness which never came through.

I would like to end by saying that we can control only so much of our effort but we must wait for the
results. And dignify ourselves to raise our standards to realize that we are worth our mettle.

Thank you for reading and lots of love and light your way!

 

Mamta Prasad is Author of Running in Circles: Making Ends Meet; Poet, Journalist and Painter. She will be sharing her lived experience during her talk 'Healing Through Art' at the World Bipolar Day
Conference in Mumbai
.