A person with schizophrenia can start to lose normal thoughts as T.J. had when he was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 26. The voices in his head, bouts of hallucination and aggression tormented him. He tried different psychiatrists till he found the right support and holistic care. Read on.
My name is T.J . I am 36-years-old and I have schizophrenia. I live in Chennai. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2006 when I was just 26. The following is my ordeal.
I had a happy childhood like any other child. I was not very strong academically. Nothing in school excited me except my history teacher and his exceptional teaching skills. Despite being a slow learner, I enjoyed history and current affairs. I started reading the newspaper at age 13. Somehow, I successfully completed my schooling and finished my graduation in commerce. After B.Com, I went to Pondicherry to do my Master's in tourism administration.
Stress at Work
In May 2003, I got a job through campus recruitment. It was a marketing job with a hefty pay package. But owing to pressure to achieve targets, I was forced to quit soon. Later, I joined an international call centre in Chennai. My job was to make outbound calls across UK to sell telephone connections via phone. Here also I was not able to meet the expectations of the company and ended up receiving a pink slip. This caused enormous stress in me. My first job lasted for 6 months and my second lasted for just 4 months. This made me not accept any marketing jobs.
Later, I stumbled upon a job in Hyderabad as an agent in inbound domestic call centre. The job involved answering customer’s queries, doubts and clarification over the phone. Every day, I used to deal with all sort of customers from all kind of social and educational background, from every nook and corner of Tamil Nadu. I was able to keep this stressful job for nearly two years without any hiccups.
Then I found a job in Chennai at a multinational BPO giant for their inbound process. The job involved supporting technical queries from entire UK for a telecom company based in UK. I took up this job in November, 2005. After training I was allowed to work. I worked in a graveyard shift. I would start work at 11pm Indian Standard Time and wind up at 7 am IST. This had a telling effect on my physical and mental health.
Onset of schizophrenia
While I was working there, I started experiencing symptoms of schizophrenia like delusion of grandeur. I started thinking that God has sent me to this world with a mission. I started believing that in my previous birth I was a member of a British Royal family. And my reincarnation in India is to make a bridge or connection between Western world and Ancient Indian civilization. After experiencing these strange symptoms, I stopped going to work. And started staying indoors fearing persecution by forces against Western and Indian interests. I used to venture out only occasionally and was under the illusion that CIA, MI6, MI5 and RAW agents were there to protect me in disguise. I used to think that special messages are being conveyed through TV, Radio, Newspapers and on the web. I used to think that the entire universe revolved around me and I began to consider myself very special. Meanwhile, my parents started insisting I resume work.
Changing psychiatrists
One day I was hospitalized against my will. I was under the care of a so called noted psychiatrist for almost a month. He did not speak a word with me and started the treatment based entirely on my parent’s account. After being discharged from hospital, I was asked to meet him at his private clinic located near the hospital where I was confined for nearly a month. When I met him, he declared that the patient (myself) was normal and fit enough resume work.
But delusion never left me and still I had false beliefs about the world and me. Only positive aspect of shelling out a hefty medical bill to the so called leading psychiatrist was reduction in aggression. Despite meeting him often after my discharge and spending a fortune as a consulting fee, nothing improved in my life. This made my parents seek the assistance of another so called leading psychiatrist. When I met her, she gave a patient hearing, in other words she heard me out and prescribed medicines. After being on medication for some time, my symptoms started vanishing and I started to have a touch with reality.
The doctor asked me to resume work or continue education. I opted for the latter and joined a famous varsity in Tamil Nadu as a student of Journalism, my childhood passion. But unfortunately the symptoms started to appear again and I started to pick up quarrel with staff and students of the university. As a result, I did not earn my degree. Then my parents opted to seek the assistance of another mental health professional. While I was with him, I started working as a journalist though my condition was not normal, I could function well and was a useful member of society with occasional delusion. However, I should mention one thing, the medicines given by all three psychiatrists made me slow, lethargic and dull.
Finding hope finally
The treatment expenditure and increasing cost of antipsychotic medicines forced me to find a place where the treatment is nominal, doctors are compassionate, efficient and whose only motive is recovery of patients. After careful and thorough reading of Schizophrenia Foundation website, I decided to seek medical assistance from here where one can get comprehensive, complete and holistic mental health care.
It was on 5th October, 2016 that I came to SCARF with drowsiness and frequent relapses. To my surprise, now I have a normal sleep. No drowsiness. Earlier, I used to suffer from excessive drowsiness and relapse occurring often. By the grace of god, I am leading happy life now. No more excessive sleeping and friends and neighbours suspecting what's wrong with me. The other thing which makes me strong apart from the kind and compassionate care of my doctor and case manager was my belief in Lord Ganesha (Hindu God of wisdom and remover of obstacles). I take my medicines and also pray to god that I should not suffer no more drowsiness and relapse.
(Contributed by Schizophrenia Research Foundation, (SCARF) a non-governmental, non-profit organization in Chennai.)
