Autistic couple, Angel and Rekha, married for three years, share a warm and compassionate relationship,in contradiction to the belief that love and marriage are considered incompatible for people on the Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Read his mother Sunita Arora’s perspective.
Theirs is a dream relationship on the autism spectrum disorder.With oodles of love and emotion shared between the two, they have built a beautifully innocent world for themselves. I am very happy that my son, Angel, is married today.It is as if a big ray of sunshine has enter ed his life.
Several years back, it was Angel himself who expressed a desire to get married. He was growing up in a joint family with 5 boy cousins his age. When they started getting married in succession, one day he suddenly popped up this question which left me quite saddened and disturbed, “Mummy, when will I get married?” Deep down in my heart I knew he would never get married. He was just about managing his life, how would he look after a wife. I soon forgot about it. But,every time we would attend a wedding, Angel would set off again, “Mummy, will I not get married.”His repeated requests set me thinking. I had always nursed the desire that he should get a companion with whom he could share a close friendship, but didn’t know how what to do.
One day a neighbour came and mentioned a girl who could be suitable for Angel. Angel and I went and met the family. Angel liked the girl. Her name was Rekha. Both families agreed to the relationship.
In January 2017, Angel and Rekha tied the knot and became husband and wife. We had a short and simple ceremony and had only called our immediate family.
Perfect husband
Initially, I was apprehensive about how they would live together, but amazingly they adjusted to each other well. Angel has been a perfect husband, and Rekha a considerate wife. In a span of 3 years, they have developed a deep affinity.He cares deeply for her and ensures she is always happy. He likes to make Rekha’s birthday special. He will keep reminding me from morning to get cake and cold drinks for her. Last year, I had taken them out for dinner, and they both had a good time. Now Angel says that henceforth, we’ll go out for all birthdays. Rekha, in turn, is a doting wife. She listens to Angel attentively and follows him earnestly. If Angel ever falls ill, she sits up all night tending to him. Similarly, if Rekha is unwell, Angel keeps a close watch over his wife.
Angel even fulfils the role of a dutiful son-in-law. If Rekha has not spoken to her parents for long, he reminds her to call them up and enquire about their health. If her sister is not well, he will ask her to speak to her. If there is a function at Rekha’s house, he says it is important to attend it, else they will be hurt. But Angel doesn’t want to separated from her even for moment. If Rekha’smother has called her to her place, he refuses to send her. Angel tells her, “You will leave me and go away. Then who will I speak to.”So I have told them they should both go together and spend Sunday at her parent’s house.
The beauty of their relationship is that they both speak their mind and express their emotions up front. They are very honest and transparent about their feelings. Oh, you should see them quarrelling. It’s really sweet. They fight like children over little issues. If I buy some snacks and bring it home for them, each one feels that I have given the other more, and they will start a fight. Angel would squeal, “Mummy, you have given Rekha more,” and Rekha would jump up in defence, “No, Mummy has given you extra.”
Angel works in the housekeeping department of Lemon Tree Hotel. He got the job with the help of Action for Autism in JasolaVihar, New Delhi. (Earlier he was going to AADI - Action for Ability, Development and Inclusion). He is excellent with technology, and computers, phone and internet. He is often seen browsing and sharing pictures with Rekha.
Diagnosed a slow child
Angel was diagnosed as a slow child. When I got the labour pain, his heart had stopped beating. The doctor said that I will take you for the surgery, but I do not guarantee the life of the child. Fortunately, Angel was born normal. But he did not cry a bit, like all normal babies do. When he turned four, the doctor said, that he will be slow compared to other kids. He was diagnosed with mild Mental Retardation (MR) and subsequently diagnosed with Autism.
I discovered that Rekha was autistic after marriage. Her parents never got her checked. But after she moved in with us, I suspected from her behaviour and work that something was different. She would not speak to anybody, nor did she maintain eye contact. She was socially withdrawn. Since I was familiar with the symptoms and characteristics, I took her to Action for Autism for a check-up. There she was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum.
Although they are both on the autism spectrum, they enjoy a fulfilling relationship. He is able to fill an emotional vacuum, and she has found a caring home and husband.
Looking at my son’s experience and happiness, I would definitely recommend marriage for all those on the autism spectrum. People with autism are very lonely, they have no friends. Marriage fills this void. With marriage, they get a friend and life companion. Of course, each person and his/her scenario is different.
