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Submitted by Sen on 16 June 2016

Moyna Sen, our editor reviews cancer survivor Geetha Paniker's book "When I Fell in Love with Life". Even as you read this beautiful review, you will feel emotional and want to read the book.   

Geetha Paniker does not come across as a Cancer survivor. She, on the other hand, seems like someone who has not only conquered the dreaded ailment, but has, also, in the process, learnt the prized art of celebrating life. Even though she calls Cancer the Emperor of Maladies as made famous in the book by Siddhartha Mukherjee, she also pronounces in the same breath: “Cancer is not a death sentence – it is a journey of life that can make you a survivor.”

Geetha Paniker’s book, aptly titled, ‘When I Fell in Love with Life’, reads like a brook rippling along happily. It tells the story of struggle, strife, pain, shame, hopelessness and utter despair in a way that soothes and comforts, and succeeds in teaching the ultimate truth about triumph over pain and suffering. Paniker has a unique way with language and the way she weaves in her words shows a tale told from the heart. She puts across thought-provoking messages simply and one can only marvel at her fortitude in being able to camouflage her pain.

Cancer in most cases has been a life changing event. But a double mastectomy and a triple negative cancer have its own implications. But even such a serious condition could not bog down the indomitable spirit that characterises Paniker. And this is the spirit which reflects in her use of vivid imagery. When she compares her loss of feminist parts to that of a barren tree which has been stripped of leaves, and yet it stands erect as a symbol of fortitude against many a storm raging against it, this is what she writes:

“Trees have been a companion from my childhood, but today when the cancer robbed me of my feminine parts, I see a bare tree and understand the significance of it. It tells me its story of survival against tough weather and changing seasons. They wait for the spring to fill them with green foliage.”

Paniker has a unique way of looking at the disease that engulfed her physically and naturally, emotionally too. Interestingly, it could not taint her mind, and in certain respects, liberated it from the shackles of fear and apprehension. So even while her body was wracked again and again by a disease which re-visited with a vengeance, she felt her mind soar above “being stripped down to the layers of tissues physically”, not a mean achievement by any stretch of the imagination.

“For the first time, I started loving the cancer. It made me what I am today – stronger and with more courage. I knew that I was embracing the unknown, accepting the unbelievable and then celebrating all the milestones – of all the surgeries, the scans and the scars.”

As she explains it rather empathetically: “Like many other love stories, my journey with cancer started in a fight and ended up falling in love with it – for what it made me realise: the importance of life, relationships, family and my priorities in life. I was thrown headfirst into the world of cancer and I accepted it with grace and courage.”

Even at the cost of sounding romantic, we all know that we learn to value afresh the essential things in our lives – our relationships, our near ones, our emotions – when we have been handed the raw end of the deal in life. Geetha Paniker is also no exception. She learns to value all that she has in life when life actually threatens to ebb away. She clings on to her most vital possessions -- her family, her priorities, her relationships – and rather than hating cancer, she begins appreciating it for what it has taught her to cherish. That is the best and most mature handling of any adversity which is not in our control. But Paniker has the rich resource of prose and poetry on her side which helps her give vent to her innermost emotions. This book is a result of that triumph. As she herself puts it: “My biggest asset is my “Never Give Up” stand that I have taken all my life that had always been a long winding path with lots of hairpin bends.” And still sharper imagery in the following lines: “Even when pain lashes out at me testing my patience and fortitude, I dare to burn, even when I turn to ashes.”

Geetha Paniker is not a superwoman. She has suffered miserably the lashings of an unrelenting disease, she has also whimpered in fear, she has also cried at the pain and she has also silently screamed out at her fate. Her despair touches you in the carefully selected words in her poetry:

“My soul died a little

Each time I bared myself,

On the steel cold,

Examining table,

Operation table

And radiation bed.

Irony of fate

That made me numb,

From my inside,

More than loss,

Of a part in me.

Positivity of life,

Failed to soothe,

The dignity of womanhood,

As my soul,

Ripped me apart.”

The silent cry of the words and imagery leave you pained. Your heart reaches out to her. And even while you are about to wallow in the suffering that Cancer is all about, Geetha Paniker shows you the ultimate way of overcoming all pain: “I survived in spite of the stress I faced from all quarters. Just like me, have faith that you can go through it; have faith in your doctors and more so in God, for I believe that if He has given it to you, He will give you the strength to go through it.”

Geetha Paniker’s book is a book of quotations we all need to learn about life, Cancer or no Cancer. She puts together simple messages which we all need to think about as to how to stand up to adversity or how to conquer fear or how to have a proper attitude towards life or how “an eternal flame of faith is always triumphant”. Paniker does not talk in thin air – she has seen it all and she has also led from the front. You respect what she says and realise the truth in her words even as you read it.

This book is a must read, not only for those who have survived cancer, but for everyone. We are all struggling through what we call “Life” –Paniker tells us how to make that experience enjoyable and happy.

What better message can a book have for us?

“Sometimes life is all about taking a deep breath and pausing; then listening. It means continuing with courage, with renewed strength by nourishing and taking care of oneself”.

Thank you, Geetha Paniker!

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