Ritu Vyas thinks children with Down's Syndrome are no different from others. All they need is patience and understanding for their talents to flourish
D is 11 years old. When he was around 7, his parents noticed he is attracted to colours and has an interest in painting. They hired a painting teacher for him. But his tiny fingers were incapable of holding a brush properly. The painting teacher gave up on him and said he can never become a painter. The parents, on the other hand, had full confidence in their child. So, they continued his classes with another teacher. This new teacher, upon seeing the difficulty D was having holding a brush, asked him to paint with his fingers. The new teacher recognized the potential in the boy and really turned him around. He now holds his own painting exhibitions.
Read about the artist: Dev, a surprise package
H is a 13- year- old girl. She regularly visits an old age home, to give company to the Dadis and Nanis, as she calls them. People in old age homes need love and attention. H gives them just that – loads of hugs and kisses. The dadis and nanis really love listening to her stories. She also patiently listens to theirs.
I forgot to share a tiny detail about these two children – they both have Down's Syndrome. My son too has been diagnosed with Downs Syndrome – a genetic disorder wherein the 21st chromosome has 3 copies instead of 2. This results in babies with Downs Syndrome with symptoms like delayed milestones, poor muscle tone, slant almond-shaped eyes, flat nose bridge, puffy hands and legs and many other physical characteristics that make them stand out. They also have learning difficulties and speech disorders.
When I learnt that my son has Down's Syndrome – my initial reaction was that of disbelief. I had a very beautiful pregnancy without any complications, all immunisations and medicines taken on time, appropriate weight gain etc. My son weighed 3.1 kg at birth, which is a healthy baby weight. I had a normal hassle-free delivery with only about 3 hours of labour. I was fully conscious and aware as I pushed him out of the body. How could anything go wrong? How could my son have Down's Syndrome?
Next, came the phase why did it have to be my son? We got our karyotyping done and both of us are not carriers. Down's Syndrome usually occurs in babies born to women older than 35 years of age. I was 26 when my son was born. Then why him? I would keep staring at my child and keep crying.
Finally came the phase of acceptance and that of resolve. I realised there is no point brooding over it. My son will see his own reflection in my eyes. If I don’t accept him, how can I expect others to accept him? If I show my confidence in him, he will have confidence in himself. I resolved to stop crying and got into action.
As time passed, I got in touch with other parents of children with Downs Syndrome, and I must say, my entire perspective changed. These children are not only capable of achieving a lot, but they can also give back to society (like H above). It sometimes makes me wonder, are they really disabled? Or even, differently abled as some would say. Can a ‘normal’ child boast of holding his own painting exhibition at the age of 11? How many 13- year-olds have you met who have visited an old age home even once?
I realised how silly I had always been – crying over something which needed to be celebrated. I will not be exaggerating today if I said I feel blessed to have a child with Down's Syndrome. He keeps me sane in this mad, mad money-making rat-race that the world around us has turned into. I feel blessed to have a son who will love me unconditionally his entire life. I feel blessed to be given this wonderful responsibility of nurturing a pure soul – one which can never be contaminated.
Downs is the new UP in my life.
You might think that I am living in a world of my own and drifting away from reality. Trust me, with a little patience, these children can do wonders. A boy with DS in Chennai passed XII standard with 79% at the age of 19. Isn’t that ‘normal’ enough?
Next time you see a child with any sort of ‘DISability’ (I hate to use this word) don’t look at him with sympathy or with pity.
You and me are limited in our thoughts as we have been brought up and been educated in a rigid structured environment. Whereas this child, who you are thinking is incapable of achieving anything, is uninhibited and free to choose whatever path he wants to. All that is required is acceptance, a good support system and a little patience.
In fact, it is not them who are disabled, it is actually us – who are incapable of thinking out-of-the box and providing them with the opportunities to learn. My son hates the sight of books. I would sit everyday holding a colourful book to teach him ABC and 123. But he would just not be interested. None of the paper-based things worked, not even flashcards. I would get frustrated but he just didn’t seem to get it. Like other children of his generation, he was fascinated by electronics. When I saw how comfortably he handled my smartphone, I got him a tablet. He needed a more interactive environment to learn. Within a week, he started recognising the alphabets and numbers. He has now even started to trace the alphabets on the tablet. As long as he learns the alphabet – the basic building blocks for words and sentences, does it really matter if he can hold the pencil properly and write on the paper or not. All they are asking for is your support and trust in them and not to judge them by the set of rules laid down by the system. Like D’s teacher realized painting is about choosing the right colours to display your creativity. The painting brush is only a tool to be used for painting.
Recognise and understand their needs, and I am sure they will surprise you by surpassing all expectations. All they need is one chance.
Other personal voices on Down's Syndrome:
