An interview with Li Shan from Singapore who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia in 2008 and who published her book "A Philosopher's Madness" in 2012 and is now employed by NCSS to enhance opportunities for persons with mental health issues.
Can you introduce yourself?
I’m an administrator in mental health services planning and development who is trying, in my small way, to speak up for people with mental health problems, to share my lived experience, and to raise awareness of mental health.
I aim to do this in three ways—to educate, to encourage, and to engage.
Educate—I have been invited to speak at events organised by the Institute of Mental Health, Singapore Association of Mental Health, Silver Ribbon Singapore. The last two engagements I had, I spoke at a Special Dialogue session at the World Federation for Mental Health Regional Congress, and participated in a panel discussion for a mental health film screening event. I have also written articles for the Institute of Mental Health, as well as opinion pieces and letters to the media. I wish to educate, inform and raise awareness of mental health issues.
Encourage—I have written a book titled A Philosopher’s Madness. The book is a personal and philosophical account of schizophrenia. Many people who read my book are people who have mental health problems, or people who know someone with mental health problems.
I also give sharing sessions to let people know what I’ve gone through in my experience with mental illness, to let people know that they are not alone in their struggles.
I wish to share with others ways to cope with our mental health problems, and that we can live a good life in spite of it all. Importantly, I would like to encourage others not keep it a secret and suffer in silence.
Engage—There are three groups of people that I would like to engage with, the people with mental health problems, the mental health service providers, and the HR/employers.
I want to say that I’ve suffered, I’ve recovered, and now I want to share my experience. I wish to say to people with mental health problems, don’t give up and there is still a life to live, a story to tell. To the mental health providers, include and involve people with mental health problems, and to the employers, give a fair chance to those with mental health problems. We need your understanding and support.
I continue to speak at several events a year to raise awareness of mental health issues. I joined the National Council of Social Service, and I now oversee mental health public education efforts. This gives me the chance to, in a professional capacity, promote mental health with the objective of increasing opportunities for persons with mental health issues.
Can you recount the journey and what were the fears you facing during a difficult period?
The lowest point came when I was in the hospital. I had been tied up all night to the bed. When cloth strips binding me were untied, and I was told to go to the shower room to take a shower, my legs were so weak that I immediately collapsed on the floor. The nurses pulled me up by the arms and put me on a chair with wheels. They wheeled me to the shower room where I was treated to a cold shower.
By that time, when I was in the hospital, I had found myself virtually homeless, failing at exams, behaving badly and losing friends, My parents were overseas, and it wasn’t clear to me what was happening when the police arrested me for trespassing, and put me in a padded cell. I had given away or thrown away most of my earthly possessions by this time. And later on, I found that I had trouble reading or processing text, something which I had loved to do in the past, something that I had always taken for granted.
I often felt like a failure when comparing herself to my peers. My peers had progressed in their careers, moving from junior to senior positions, gaining recognition and accompanying compensation. Because I had invested everything I had into my dream, I had developed no other passions or interests. And when my dream let me down, my whole world crashed.
But in the aftermath of the broken dream, there was no reset button. Life went on.
In response, I was able to reinvent myself. I re-discovered an abiding interest in writing, and began to pen thoughts on a variety of topics, all of which I had no prior knowledge of or expertise in. As my articles were slowly but surely published, I began to build up confidence in myself and in the world around me.
I started to challenge myself. What if we thought of a person with mental health issues as a caregiver and contributor to the family, to mental health services, and to the community? What if we thought of persons living with schizophrenia as enabling positive change, as thinkers and doers, as being capable of showing care and compassion to themselves and to those around them?
In 2008, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. In the following years, I worked in various jobs as a customer service officer, waitress and technical writer.
In 2012, my book ‘A Philosopher’s Madness’ was published. I started giving talks and writing articles on mental health. Since then, my talks have directly reached out to more than 2000 people and my articles published in the national newspapers, creating more and more discussions around mental health issues.
When my father became physically disabled, I helped to support him psychologically and emotionally. And when my sister first gave birth, I stepped in to babysit.
We often think of a person with schizophrenia as a care-receiver, that is, as a person who needs help and as a person who needs support from the family, from the mental health services, and from the community. But such persons may be capable and able to be care-givers at the same time that they are care-receivers.
And, to extend this train of thought, what if we not only expected persons with schizophrenia to recover, but to contribute? What if their contribution helped them to recover? What if recovery had no limits?
When I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I was told by medical and mental health professionals to lower my expectations and to be realistic about my recovery prospects. I was worried that I could never be financially independent and lead a normal life, like everyone else. Then, I stopped worrying and got busy.
In 2013, I proposed a project to the Institute of Mental Health, to promote knowledge sharing about mental health issues between experts and laypersons. That project has become a collection of articles on their website, written by me, based on my forays into topics like mental health and informed medical decisions, employment, nutrition, and more.
I am currently employed by the mental health services team at the National Council of Social Service, where I work to enhance opportunities for persons with mental health issues… persons like me. It is immensely rewarding and fulfilling to be employed and to be of value to others.
I am fortunate to be working full-time. My current employer had looked beyond my illness to employ me in mental health services planning and development. I had transitioned to full-time employment after working part-time. So it is definitely possible to recover and to resume a meaningful life, even after a serious psychotic episode.
My employer has treated me as any other employee, and given me tasks that I can take responsibility for. In seeing past my illness to the person with capabilities and strengths underneath, and in treating me as a person who is able to contribute, it has ultimately led to greater confidence, a sense of self-worth, and increased financial independence, which I am grateful for.
Now, I tell medical and mental health professionals that recovery is not only possible but that it is limitless. I am able to support in small ways, my ageing parents, emotionally and financially. And although I have my bad days, overall, and as time passes, I feel better and stronger, not just psychologically but cognitively.
It has been a long journey. But today, I am happy to stand, speaking from the perspective of a recovered patient. What a wonderful world.
Tell us one thing that you are most proud of as well as toughest thing.
I’m proud of going public with my brush with schizophrenia, though it was a tough decision. I’m proud of writing and publishing a first-person narrative of mental health with my real name. It was tough… someone actually told me it will completely ruin my future. But I realised that the book could be used as a force for good. I published the book as I wanted to share a true story of schizophrenia and to give insight into the minds of those struggling with mental illness. I wanted to fight stigma by raising awareness of mental health issues such as secrecy. Most importantly, I wanted to change societal perceptions of people with mental illness- people with mental illness are capable of holding down full-time permanent positions while doing volunteer work and having meaningful relationships with others.
What’s your next plan?
My plan is to keep pressing on, in my personal and professional capacity, to do my part to increase awareness of mental health issues in Singapore.
Do you have anything to share or suggestion to young generation of Singapore?
For young Singaporeans with chronic illnesses, you continue to struggle and try to cope with relapses, with repeats of the punishing symptoms that plague you. When this happens, there is a feeling of hopelessness about it all. When this happens, let us remind ourselves that recovery is a process, a journey that we will live and a story that we will tell. Will it be unfortunate suffering fallen upon a life, or an exceptional opportunity to show courage in adversity? Our decisions about how to perceive our situation and how to respond will make a difference.
To young people who are or will be working in the field of mental health, I urge you to involve persons with mental health issues in your discussions, to improve the hospital experience for future patients by reviewing processes so that the human spirit and dignity are not compromised.
To young people who will be Singapore’s future leaders and employers, please encourage and adopt fair recruitment practices. Understand and support return to work and study. And give people a chance to contribute to society and the work force, to show what we can do.
This interview was given to Ada as part of a SG50 project. This has been re-published with Li Shan's permission from her blog
Please contact us here if you would like to share your experience or a review of Li Shan's book
