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Submitted by PatientsEngage on 28 December 2019
Should I change my therapist

Finding the right counselor can sometimes be a challenge. And it is possible that the therapist you found is not the right one. Tanuja Babre, a counseling psychologist currently serving as a programme Coordinator of iCALL, TISS explains when you should explore changing your therapist/ counselor.

When we are going through difficult times, we are often advised to explore seeking therapy.  However, it is not as simple as it sounds. Taking the advice and acting on it can be complicated. For some, it may lead to anxiety, fear, overwhelming emotions and for others, it may seem like a relief. Despite that, accepting the advice to see a therapist, finding one, getting around to making an appointment, then actually seeing one and continuing to visit them regularly requires effort and commitment. Naturally, after showing such commitment if one may start contemplating changing their therapist, it can be demotivating. While some people may have insight about making this change, others may feel clueless, especially if they have little knowledge about therapy. Remember that the therapeutic relationship is like any other relationship where you may evaluate its importance and efficacy to your current life situation. Thus, if it is not a right fit anymore, or if you are not getting the kind of support/ help you want, it is okay to make a change.

Now let us understand what are some of the reasons that could lead to changing one’s therapist.

  • You are not seeing any new improvement: counselling is a long complicated process where you may start noticing change over a period of sessions. However, if you find yourself constantly wondering where the sessions are heading, or feeling stuck, it may be time for you to assess the situation more critically. I have been in a therapeutic relationship where all I did was share and my therapist would listen, but there were no new strategies or insights shared to help me deal with my difficulties. While I experienced great relief after the first few sessions, beyond a point I experienced a lack of direction and that was when I made a decision to change my therapist. Thus, assess if the sessions are helping you get closer to your goals.
     
  • You feel judged: Therapy should be a safe space for you where you feel comfortable being vulnerable. Sometimes if we sense judgement, disapproval or even ill-timed advice from the therapist’s end, it can be unpleasant. While it is the therapist’s job to challenge you to rethink unhelpful patterns and work towards modifying the same, the therapist should remain calm and objective while doing so. If you notice yourself constantly altering your narratives, hesitating from sharing certain stories because you are afraid of judgement, disapproval or even the therapist pushing their values on you, count it as a warning sign.
     
  • Therapy is an impersonal experience for you: Therapy is an extremely personal and intimate experience. If your sessions feel cold or extremely clinical in nature, it may be a point of concern. Sometimes it can be difficult to connect due to certain differences which may make going to therapy feel like a chore. Sometimes this may also happen because they are not giving their undivided attention or are distracted throughout the sessions. Thus, making you feel invalidated. In such a scenario, you may have to explore seeing another therapist. 
     
  • Lack of experience to effectively treat: Depending on what you are going through be it anxiety, depression, major life change, loss; you need someone who is competent to handle it. Some complicated conditions may require specialized training and experience. Similar to how you may not see a dentist for fever or headache, you need to find an appropriate professional with relevant experience. Lack of experience can hamper your recovery. It is okay to ask a therapist about their training and experience to assess suitability. And if you find them unsuitable, it is okay to make a change.
     
  • Violation of boundaries: If at any point in therapy you feel that your therapist is crossing your physical, ethical, sexual or any other, boundaries then don’t hesitate to end the relationship. If you are comfortable, address it or even report it. A good therapist should not encourage you to blame others or normalize violence, discrimination of any kind. It can be extremely overwhelming to experience something like this. Reach out to those you trust and seek their support to make a change.
     
  • Reactive to any feedback about the process: Disagreement in therapy is a normal occurrence. When you share your feedback and the therapist gets defensive or critical towards you, without understanding where you are coming from it is a red flag. Truth is that even the best counsellors will make mistakes. If you disagree with a certain stance or are uncomfortable, you should be able to share your feedback with the therapist.
     
  • Practical challenges: Attending therapy on a weekly basis can be a challenge depending on our life’s priorities. There could be issues related to travel, scheduling or discontinuing because you are moving. Sometimes some of these issues may even come up from the therapist’s end such as coming late, constant cancellations. Remember that you are using a service like any other if certain aspects of that relationship don’t work for you, make a change.

If you are observing one or many of the aforementioned signs in your therapeutic relationship, you may want to address it. If you wish to make a move you can discuss it with your therapist as well. Use this experience to learn what works for you and what doesn’t, to determine what you are looking for in your therapist. 

To share a word of caution, it must be highlighted that you may feel stuck for a number of reasons that may not be related to the therapist. Therapy involves re-visiting old wounds, opening them up and allowing them to heal by reconstruction of one’s beliefs and behavioural patterns. This can bring up painful feelings, a fear of change and in that case changing therapist will not help. If that is the case, bring this up with your therapist and they may help you see where these difficulties are coming from.

Making the move can sometimes become an overwhelming experience. The hardest part is starting therapy, so it can feel extremely upsetting if your experience is a negative one. Don’t let that discourage you, it is important to make a commitment for your mental health. Regardless of what leads to you feeling disconnected or stagnant, recognize the signs and make a change towards your wellbeing.

Tanuja Babre is counseling psychologist by training and serves as a programme Coordinator of iCALL, TISS. Her area of interest are community mental health, technology assisted services and youth mental health.

References

Cusack, J., Deane, P. F., Wilson, C., & Ciarrochi, J. (2004). Who Influence Men to Go to Therapy? Reports from Men Attending Psychological Services. International Journal for Advancement of Counselling, 26(3), 271-283. doi:https://doi.org/10.1023/B:ADCO.0000035530.44111.a8

Dutta, M., Mamidpalli, S., Patel, S., & Agarwal, N. (2019). Factors responsible for delay in treatment-seeking in patients with psychosis: A qualitative study. Journal of Indian Psychiatry, 52-59.

Thompson, A., Hunt, C., & Issakidis, C. (2004). Why wait? Reasons for delay and prompts to seek help for mental health problems in an Australian clinical sample. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiol. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-004-0816-7