"I Will Help Not Just My Peers But Also Myself" |PatientsEngage

Submitted by Vijay Pratap Rai on 9 February 2019

A young man in grey shirt and blue jeans with cactus and other green plants in the background

Vijay Pratap Rai, from Singapore, who was diagnosed with psychosis, recounts his anxiety-ridden journey and how he overcame mental health challenges to piece his life together as a peer support specialist. This is the first of his two-part narrative of inspiration.

I am about to share with you a very personal experience. The sharing in this article might probe your mind and hopefully impact you in a positive manner. I am Vijay Pratap Rai. I have worked as a peer support specialist with Singapore Association of Mental Health (SAMH). I am honoured to share with you my recovery story.

Experiencing delusions

I was diagnosed with Psychosis in the year 2010. Psychosis is a mental health condition in which an individual loses touch with reality and experiences delusions as well as hallucinations. In my darkest moments, I believed I was put under some sort of high-tech satellite surveillance in which my mind, emotions, perceptions could be picked up due to the technology and broadcast to people as well as being able to be potentially altered due to the technology. I was hearing loud voices and got electric-like sensations all over my body from time to time. I felt that there was some energy moving within me in a circular motion and felt my body rotating slightly. I could not eat my food as when I tried to eat I would feel some sort of electricity zapping my stomach causing me to feel nauseous and hence unable to eat my food. I was unable to sleep as well and the little sleep I got was filled with nightmares. The nights were the worst as the symptoms seemed to be the greatest during those moments. Seeing my poor condition I was rushed down to the hospital by my father.

My recovery journey

My recovery journey started from that point onwards. With good support from my family, friends and medical team, my symptoms reduced to almost zero within six months. In other words, I was no longer experiencing any electrical sensations or energy moving within me. There were no more voices in my head although some suspicion remained. Hope was slowly rekindled in my life. Fortunately, the people around me did not give up on me although I gave up. Slowly I began to piece my life together which seemed to have been shattered by the illness. Baby steps were taken, one step at a time to face the challenges, both internal as well as external. Both internal and external stigma had to be dealt with together with my fears and worries.

I was running my own business in events management at that point of time and was happy that I managed to complete the events with good support from my partner amidst all those symptoms and situations. This taught me something, what looks impossible might not necessarily be impossible. It is no wonder that some people claim that impossible is actually ‘I M Possible.’

After a point, I became curious about mental health conditions and how various people are coping with it. Hence, I started going for activities under Early Psychosis Intervention Program (EPIP) in Institute of Mental Health (IMH). After going for a few of the activities I was ‘roped in’ to provide peer support due to my positive attitude. I was job-hunting at the same time as well.

Introduced to Peer Support

I had no idea what peer support meant when I was first introduced to it and had little confidence in performing such a role as I was still on my way to recovery. However, the case managers at EPIP believed in me and so I decided to give it a shot. In peer support an individual uses his lived experience and inspires fellow peers onto recovery, walking side by side with them on their recovery journey. I still remember a client whom I was tasked to support. She came in with a low and depressive mood. After I talked to her for about an hour, her mood lifted and she walked away happily quietly smiling to herself. I realized that I could touch people’s lives with my experience, instil hope and happiness in them which is crucial in the recovery journey. I also felt a certain sense of satisfaction which is priceless and difficult to explain in words. I not only helped her but also helped myself, as well as the care system. Since that experience, I got hooked onto peer support.

After that, I did some part-time jobs such as giving tuition and chess classes. Subsequently, I landed a job in the financial industry. I also attended various training programs and one training program that I was fortunate to attend was the Peer Specialist Training Program by Singapore Association of Mental Health (SAMH).

I learnt a lot in the Peer Specialist Program. I managed to make sense of my experiences as well as how I can effectively support my fellow peers. It was a program that had an impact on me and that I could emotionally relate to. After the program I became inspired to make Peer Specialist my vocation and applied to SAMH for the Peer Specialist vocation and got the job.

Challenges of anxiety

I knew that having a Peer Specialist vocation will not be easy and it will have its challenges. I was attached at YouthReach, mainly providing support to fellow peers from 12 to 21 years of age and helping out in various activities. Although I am well into recovery, I still have my challenges. Few days into the job I started getting very anxious. It became difficult to ‘get by.’

Fortunately I had a supportive organization, colleagues, superiors and fellow Peer Specialists. I am thankful for the support they provided and continue to provide. Having good support from them helped me to ease my anxiousness. In addition, I went for counseling sessions at Insight Centre which is free for all as it helps me with my issues. I also attended and helped out at the Mental Health Interactive Group (MHIG) which is a support group for people with schizophrenia and psychosis. I also helped out at Illness-Management – Recovery (IMR) sessions which gave me new insights into my illness and wellness. I also helped out in Recovery Modules which is all about recovery. In addition, I conducted Personal Effectiveness of Successful Living (PESL) together with a professional staff.

With all these in place, I believe I will be able to perform my vocation well, heal not just my peers but myself as well and also support the care system. I look forward to my exciting endeavours.

I sincerely, thank you for the time and attention given to read my recovery story. Read the second part of my peer specialist journey here.