World Suicide Prevention Week 2016
A suicide story has various dimensions: there are those who think of committing it all the time, there are those who have tried and survived, and then there are those who have gone ahead and taken their own lives, leaving behind a shattered family who have to look for ways to grapple with the situation. The following stories are vignettes showcasing some of these aspects. All names are changed to preserve identity.
THE GIRL WHO IS PUSHED TO THE BRINK
This is the story of a young girl who constantly thought of ending her life.
The family is concerned with the way a young Pratibha behaves. They do not like that she has so many friends in college, especially male friends. She is constantly using her phone to text and explore Facebook when at home.
She likes spending time with her friends, and frequently visits a friend in the hostel room. She wants to pursue her hobby of dancing and even tries to get a job to sustain her daily expenses.
The family has responded to their concerns by constantly harassing Pratibha by taunting her regarding her relationship with boys, scolding her and restricting her freedom. They do not give her pocket money to go out with her friends, they follow her to college, and they constantly keep a track on her activities. She has also been restricted to her house for the past 25 days. Her brother insists that she gets married as soon as possible since she has already cleared 10th Standard. He also blames his mother for allowing her the freedom to pursue her education further.
She is constantly under mental stress because her aunt, uncle and her brother constantly blame her for having loose morals and not acting like a woman should. Her brother also hits her sometimes when they fight. Her family is also pushing her friends away by judging their characters and enforcing their decisions on Pratibha. They have visited the hostel where her friend lives and told the landlord to not allow her to enter.
Her brother also will not allow her to attend dance classes or get a job as he feels this will empower her and she will run away. Her aunt has taken away all her certificates so she cannot use them to acquire a job. Her family has also forced her into pursuing microbiology instead of her interests in acting and dance.
She has repeatedly tried to express her desire out of life and the friendly nature of her relationships with boys in her class to her family. However, they have ignored it and remained ignorant assuming she is involved in romantic relationships.
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THE STORY OF THE SON OF A PERSON WHO COMMITTED SUICIDE
Mr Shrivastava had separated from his wife when his son was three. This was due to the constant friction experienced in the household due to his drinking problem. His wife and his two sons separated and lived a few houses away. He was still an addict and fell down one day and broke his leg, after that he was on medications but his habit of drinking remained constant. He hung himself one day for reasons which still baffle the family. One of his sons, who is now a 16-year-old, is visibly distressed and seems to miss his father and is constantly confused as to why he killed himself. He, however, tries to convince himself that it isn't a big deal as his father wasn't really ever around. He has discontinued attending school and spends his day roaming around with his friends. When asked how he feels when he thinks about his father, he said he feels bad but cannot cry or share it with his friends so he distracts himself. He also mentioned that he has a friend who lives in his village with whom he can talk openly. The major concern here seems to be the pent up emotion of confusion and sense of loss of direction.
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LOSING A SIBLING TO SUICIDE
Karan lost his brother to suicide and was even the person who discovered the body. After this incident, he could not speak and was admitted in the hospital for five days. Even now, he is reluctant to talk about the incident. He basically mumbles to himself and does not like being engaged in any conversation.
Weak family support is a concern as he and his mother do not talk about his brother's suicide. The brother in question was the only person he was comfortable with confiding in. He does not perceive or receive much support from other siblings. He tends to distract himself and works extremely hard (compensation) as he does not wish to think about his brother. He does recognise his responsibility for his mother and has aspirations mainly involving getting out of the house in which he lives. As far as social support goes, he has friends with whom he can talk but he refuses to talk about his loss.
Major concerns here are the physical stress and the lack of sleep he is faced with as he goes to college in the mornings and works at night. The coping mechanism he is using is not helping him very well as it has been approximately six months since the loss and there has not been much improvement in his case.
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FAMILY OF A PERSON WHO HAS COMMITTED SUICIDE
Young boy in the family committed suicide. The family shared that they don't feel supported. They feel as if this boy was the last hope for them but now they have even lost that hope. There is utter loneliness, despair and regret. They cry and just go on. They do talk to the other family members but don't feel much supported. They have various questions in their mind like "why all this is happening with them", etc.. The mother has experienced a lot of loss and grief. The lack of social support from neighbours is also a concern. The method of coping seems to be maintaining the belief that the son is still alive. The lack of a male family member who can be relied upon is also a concern for them.
There are some positive aspects to this situation as well, the mother has actively decided that suicide is not a good option to deal with problems and she sees her loss and her reaction as an example of what would happen to her family members if she killed herself. There is also a cat that she is attached to in a motherly way. The daughter and the grandchildren are also a good support system. And there is a lot of understanding from her mother. She also carries on her routine fairly well and her appetite and sleeping patterns are quite normal.
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REACTIONS OF FAMILY MEMBERS OF A PERSON WHO RECENTLY COMMITTED SUICIDE
Chetan Singh killed himself a month back due to some verbal family dispute with his brothers. His brother claimed that his mental health was deteriorating and he was consuming alcohol and probably cannabis, which was worrying the rest of the family.
His mother claims that 3 few days before his suicide, he had a spat with his neighbours and as a result of that his mother hit him in public. Further, on that day, when he was on the road, there was some misunderstanding where people wrongly accused him of tampering with automobiles and decided to do vigilante justice on him which resulted in around 20 guys humiliating him in public and taking him to the cops. All of this resulted in severe mental stress and after that he committed suicide by hanging.
The whole incident was particularly stressful on his mother who blames herself now for the whole incident and is in a lot of agony.
His brother Sachin claims that he himself is over the grieving period but claims that he has attempted suicide in the past, once by consuming rat poison and once by attempting to jump in front of a train. These claims were later confirmed by other members (his sister) of the family. The first attempt was triggered when he was engaged and second when his first child was born. Sachin claims that he hates family burden and feels the need to end his life on the slightest hint of confrontation and responsibility. He also admits that there are better ways of solving these issues and also that he can be helped. He claims he is stable now and his emotions are much improved.
Chetan Singh’s body was discovered by his younger brother who found it hanging in the living room. The family members revealed that this younger brother needs some counselling as they claim he was most seriously affected.
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YET ANOTHER FAMILY COPES WITH A SUICIDE
This is about the family of a 23-year-old boy who committed suicide a little over a month ago.
The father had rejoined work after the incident and was still finding it difficult to concentrate at work as well as still spending sleepless nights.
The family also decided to sell off their car to a relative as they have decided to let go and move on as best as they can.
The mother spoke of how she had asked the son about his alleged relationship with his cousin's wife (they live next door) which he admitted to, saying it was now over. She also spoke with the woman, who said she had no hold over the boy and that his mother could go ahead and arrange his marriage. After the engagement however, the boy became very quiet, lost his appetite and quite a bit of weight and often went without sleep.
The mother left the morning of the suicide for a family wedding . The father called to check on him and he said that all was fine. An hour later he hung himself, his grandmother was in the next room.
Four days later the cousin's wife hung herself in her mother's home.
The boy had been pampered throughout and the mother wondered where they had gone wrong. Kept asking how he had not thought about his wish-fulfilling parents as he took this step. Also, from where he got the courage to do this as he was very sensitive to the slightest pain just like his mother?
The sister spoke of regretting the frequent squabbles they used to have as well as the difficult circumstances in which she had to give her board exams. She has always topped her class but is unsure of her results this time. She has urged her parents to stop mourning for their son. It makes her feel that she does not count at all. The mother said that she had got a grip on herself and had stopped crying since the past few days.
The mother used to work in foster care and enjoy it. The family has decided to relocate to a flat they own in another area ,where they hope to offer foster care as a means of livelihood. They hope that looking after children will heal them and fill the void in their lives. They plan to do this as soon as they are through with the paper work of the suicide. They mentioned having received the full support of their neighbours. The mother shares her pain with the women around her while the father keeps to himself.
Vignettes from Connecting NGO Pune.
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