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Submitted by PatientsEngage on 2 January 2020

Persuading a loved one to seek professional help for a mental health issue can be a significant challenge. Tanuja Babre, a counseling psychologist currently serving as a programme Coordinator of iCALL, TISS shares some best practices that you should follow while having this conversation.

It is not easy to watch someone you love struggle emotionally. It is in fact, particularly difficult to manage their distress if their actions impact you negatively. In such a situation managing your mental health becomes equally challenging. At the same time, we may end up trying everything in our capacity to help them feel better. One of those things is suggesting to them to seek professional help from a mental health practitioner.

हिंदी में पढ़ें: मानसिक स्वास्थ्य विशेषज्ञ से सलाह लेने के लिए अपने प्रियजनों को कैसे राजी करें

Having this conversation can be challenging, and you don’t know how they will react to your suggestions. As a mental health professional, one question that I am asked most frequently is “How do I convince my loved one to seek professional help?”. Usually, I say there is no one answer to it and that you need to understand every situation to assess how to go about it. However, in this article, we will touch upon some good practices for initiating this conversation with a loved one.

Related Reading: Should I go for Counselling?

There are different reasons why people delay seeking treatment. Self-reliance is deeply embedded in our culture, especially if we are going through troubling times. Some factors that deter people from seeking treatment or delaying it include denial of any need for treatment, lack of awareness about mental health problems, financial constraints and stigma around mental health concerns (Dutta, Mamidpalli, Patel, & Agarwal, 2019). Studies suggest that highly resistant people may be willing to seek professional help when the mental health symptoms become severe or when they start experiencing a higher level of disability (Thompson, Hunt, & Issakidis, 2004).  When it comes to convincing loved ones to seek therapy, intimate partners, close family members and general Physician have been found to be most influential (Cusack, Deane, Wilson, & Ciarrochi, 2004). This brings us to the primary question of how to convince someone to seek professional help. Here are some ways in which you can encourage your loved ones to seek help.

  • Prepare them for this conversation: It is difficult to anticipate one’s reaction to a suggestion such as this. To ensure that they are in the right mental space and are understanding, it may be a good idea to let them know that you wish to have an important conversation with them. They will be more prepared to listen to you
     
  • Choose a time and place: Choose a time and place where you can have this conversation calmly and privately. If the conversation is not private, it may cause discomfort to them and will only make them more defensive. Being sensitive to the timing and place will only ensure that they are more receptive to it.
     
  • Content of the conversation: The content of your conversation and methodology is the most important factor that will decide how they respond to it. You can prepare this in advance so that you have clarity about it. Some pointers in this direction have been described as follows;
    • Approach your loved one from a genuine empathetic space and not pity, sympathy or judgment. Don’t blame them for ignoring their health or letting it impact other people. Highlight your concern and care for them as the reason to have this conversation.
    • Talk straight, use ‘I’ statements and explain the specifics of the problems. For. E.g. “I am really concerned that your work is impacting your mental health. I have been seeing you struggling for many days now and it has been worrisome. I was wondering if you would like to speak to a professional who can help you manage this.”
    • Use non-stigmatizing language. Given the stigma related to mental health concerns, it can take a lot of courage to seek help. Do not make use of stigmatizing language or even discount their distress. For. E.g. saying “don’t cry over your problem like a girl” “just get over it” “don’t act like a crazy/ mad person
    • Avoid giving any ultimatums to seek professional help. They might be distressed and don’t need the additional pressure. Don’t force them to seek help but encourage.
    • Maintain a compassionate stance. Encourage them to be kind to themselves. Normalize help-seeking or going to therapy, just as you would see a doctor for physical health issues.
    • Tell them about confidentiality and ethical treatment. All mental health professionals will maintain confidentiality with regards to whatever you discuss with them. This can act as a facilitator, especially when people are dealing with shame and stigma.
       
  • Share your personal experience: If you have had a personal experience of seeking help or going to a mental health professional, share that with them. By doing this you are normalizing seeking professional help. It helps to know that others have had positive outcomes. Remember to talk about ‘how’ seeing a professional was helpful to you.
     
  • Facilitating the treatment: It may not be enough to merely offer a suggestion or encourage them to seek help. You may need to go a step ahead and help them find the right mental health professional for them. If you can, offer to drive/ accompany them to the first few appointments. Sometimes people may face practical barriers related to cost, timing, commute, severe symptoms, disability etc. Check with them if they need assistance with any such barriers.
     
  • Offer diverse treatment options: Remember, different people heal differently. While some may be more willing to visit a therapist, others may not be. Share details of helplines (they are also anonymous and confidential), face to face practitioners, online therapists, psychiatrists, volunteer-run services, support groups etc. Offering an array of options helps in making a choice.
     
  • Follow up: Just giving a referral it may not be enough. Check if your loved ones have questions related to the professional. It is okay to call up the professional and ask them these questions. It will help them trust the process. Also don’t forget to check how their appointment went, once they have visited the professional.

When you are trying to convince a teen or a minor to visit a professional, you may have to take some additional steps. Often, they are not given a choice to decide whether they want to visit a professional.  Therefore, it is important to have a conversation with them and share why you think it is important for them to see a therapist. For e.g. “we are going to see a therapist because ________ happened in our family”. Don’t make them feel like there is anything wrong with them or they are a problem. Be supportive and check if they have any qualms or questions about seeing this professional. However, if they resist a lot, you may have to hold off seeing this professional.

Related Reading: Challenges of Caregivers of Persons with Mental Illness

While there are many things that you can do from your end to have this conversation, be prepared for resistance. Just because you see a need, doesn’t mean they will perceive it as well. Be consistent and persistent in encouraging them to seek help. Sometimes if they are unaware of their symptoms and need help connecting the dots having this conversation will help.  If there is a lot of denial enlist the help of family and friends. Take stronger measures by getting loved ones involved in the discussion.

Lastly, if they are someone really close to you, and if their behaviour is impacting your mental health, prioritize yourself, and seek help for yourself. When you have the resources to manage your mental health, you will feel more equipped to respond to their need.

References

Cusack, J., Deane, P. F., Wilson, C., & Ciarrochi, J. (2004). Who Influence Men to Go to Therapy? Reports from Men Attending Psychological Services. International Journal for Advancement of Counselling, 26(3), 271-283. doi:https://doi.org/10.1023/B:ADCO.0000035530.44111.a8

Dutta, M., Mamidpalli, S., Patel, S., & Agarwal, N. (2019). Factors responsible for delay in treatment-seeking in patients with psychosis: A qualitative study. Journal of Indian Psychiatry, 52-59.

Thompson, A., Hunt, C., & Issakidis, C. (2004). Why wait? Reasons for delay and prompts to seek help for mental health problems in an Australian clinical sample. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiol. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-004-0816-7

Tanuja Babre is counseling psychologist by training and serves as a programme Coordinator of iCALL, TISS. Her area of interest are community mental health, technology assisted services and youth mental health.