Skip to main content
Submitted by Arunai Thelirc… on 18 May 2018
Image of a mother looking down lovingly at a new born baby in her arms

Breastfeeding is a natural way to feed a baby but for some mothers it can be a harrowing experience that is never talked about. Porrselvi A.P., a cognitive and psychosocial interventions specialist, narrates the complications she faced, like breast engorgement, plugged ducts and sore, bleeding nipples, to feed her hungry baby. Make sure you get good lactation support at the hospital.

When I chose to become a mother, I did not realize how much breastfeeding would come to mean to me in a few months’ time. At that time, all I thought was that the baby will be born and I will put him or her to the breast, my baby will know what to do and his or her little tummy will be full. Little did I realise, breastfeeding a baby is more difficult than gestation and childbirth put together. If you are one of the lucky few who have good lactation support at the hospital and have no subsequent health issues, be grateful. And then there are people like me who, even at 6 months post-childbirth are coping with pain and soreness just so that my baby won’t go hungry (and I won’t have to deal with the pain of engorgement as well).

I am one of the lucky few who had a great obstetrician who insisted on the “golden hour” feed even though I had just gone through a C-section and was not part of this world. But I did not have good lactation support from the nurses at the hospital. So I ended up being more like a cow who was unable to move after the C-section surgery and so the nurses tugged at my nipple and put it into the mouth of the newborn who knew nothing but hunger then. By the time I came around to proper consciousness 3 days later, I had sore, bleeding nipples that felt like how it would if I kept my hand on a burning hot stove for 20 minutes or however long my newborn chose to feed. I lived with such open wound for the first 4 months of my baby’s life.

Silicone nipple shield

The doctor prescribed a silicone nipple shield that would prevent my nipples from being further damaged but on the 6th day post-delivery (the day after discharge) I had the unforgettable sight of removing my child off my breast after a feed to see that she looked like a vampire with blood inside and outside her mouth. She was drooling my blood. I freaked out! The tugging of my newborn at the nipple shield caused abrasive injury. I was traumatized. I didn’t know how to feed, I couldn’t bear the pain but there was a hungry baby wailing. So, into my life came the manual breast pump. It was a blessing. We fed my baby pumped milk. I didn’t know pumping does not give much milk and pumping before 6 weeks is not advised. I again freaked out because sometimes I could only pump 20 ml even after 45 minutes of pumping (no, you should not pump for that long but I didn’t know!). I was searching and stuffing myself with galactagogues. Little, did I know I would soon be googling oversupply issues!

I watched every YouTube video on “a good latch”, “easy latching techniques”, “how to latch your newborn”. I joined a Facebook group called “BSIM”- “Breastfeeding support for Indian Mothers”. I read every article there is on a very helpful website called “KellyMom”. You would think all these places would be full of answers given the world population and the number of mothers. But no, I didn’t get any answers. I tried stuffing my breast into my child’s mouth as recommended, I tried the flipple technique etc, etc, but no use. My baby would just wail with her mouth stuffed! Come on, she had such a tiny mouth and my breast was growing bigger and bigger each day. Add to this the engorgement because she could not drain my breast well and yes, she had a small apricot sized tummy.

My baby refused to feed over 10-15 minutes (20 minutes was a rare feat)- sometimes only 5 minutes when people in all these websites and books said babies feed for 45 minutes! But my baby gained weight adequately and never went dehydrated. So each baby knows what is best for them, I guess.

Sore, bleeding nipples

Then I was introduced to a nipple shield in the second week which was not silicone but plastic and looked like a funnel with a teat. It was a blessing. My baby could drink my milk. It let my nipples heal. I was ecstatic. I bought 10 of those nipple shields. I decided, I was going to use them through my breastfeeding journey. But little did I know that, that happiness too was going to be short-lived. My baby suddenly found out she could use the teat like a pacifier and refused to drink. She would just take the teat in her mouth and go to sleep! So I abandoned the shield and went back to trying to get my new born latch. For a week, she seemed to be okay. I seemed to be okay. And then, on the 5th day of latching, I found a big lump forming on my right breast in the upper lateral corner. I panicked. Hot water compresses became a norm of life as they are supposed to stimulate the let-down reflex. I realized hot water bags don’t work as good as cotton terry cloth dipped in hot water. What I later came to realize is that hot water compresses increase lactation! And we were back to sore, bleeding nipples.

Plugged or clogged milk duct

On the 20th day post-delivery, I went to my family physician crying requesting him to please prescribe something that will stop me from lactating and I can just give my daughter formula. He had a good team of nurses who cared and helped my baby and me latch properly. I felt she actually drank milk that day. They taught me how to wake her up if she dozes off and other basics of breastfeeding. But that hospital had a very crude electric pump for suctioning out the plugged ducts (yes, I found the name for these lumps that kept forming through my Google research). It was a harrowing experience getting the plug removed. I cried and bawled. Following this, in the ensuing 23 days I went and got plugs removed on one side or both sides for about 5 times and each time it was miserable than the last. I kept getting at least 2 or 3 times a week-sometimes on the left, sometimes right and sometimes both. They came on their own, they left on their own. No type of pain killers worked, however strong. These plugs had minds of their own. This was around the time I went again to my doctor for a prescription to stop lactation. I was sent back saying at 45 days post-delivery, the lactation is at its peak and it would be a painful process. I came back home.

Painful let-down reflex

To top this I had painful let-down reflex, the first 2 months, which felt like electric shocks! I found out that in the US, they prescribe lecithin for recurrent plugged ducts. There are of two kinds - sunflower lecithin and soy lecithin. Soy lecithin contains phytoestrogen and can reduce milk supply and cause hormonal problems. So I bought organic sunflower lecithin from an online store. Thank God for globalization, I got the recommended American brand in my small little city in southern India. And it worked! For the first time I went 4 days, 1 week, 2 weeks, 20 days without plugs!! I was overjoyed. I thought it was time to reduce the dosage of lecithin as recommended on the KellyMom website. The plugs came back-1 came, 2 came and then too many came. I restarted the previous dosage of lecithin. And the plugged ducts, though they came back, started going off by themselves in 2 days.That is when I decided, no more pumping, no more compresses, no more doing anything for these recurrent plugged ducts. I was going to start babywearing even though all the guidelines said people prone to plugged ducts should not babywear. I was like, “what the heck, plugged ducts come anyway. I might as well have fun with my baby”. My baby was inching towards the 3 months old mark then. I think, this was about the time my borderline post-partum emotional conflicts were settling or maybe I was just becoming a pro at handling blood-curdling pain. This was also around the time, I started feeding by sitting on a plastic molded chair (I used feeding pillows initially-they were horrible, then I was feeding sitting on a bed). These chairs are so underrated. They are so convenient for feeding and I feel my baby was able to drain my breasts easier at this height, that is, when she was much lower than my breast level. Or it was just that my baby was learning to drink properly. Whatever the reason was, the plugs were becoming fewer in number and more spaced out though they continued to haunt me day and night.

Nipple skin peeling

Around the 2 month post-delivery mark, I developed a new complication. My skin on the nipple started peeling with every feed, thereby making an open wound every time my baby fed, exposing ducts. There were white dots on my nipple. Initially we thought it might be candida infections and got treated for that but later we figured, they were not as they were recurrent and lasted for 3 days. They felt like someone was putting burning matchstick on my nipple for every feed and one hour after. I cried. I silently screamed so that I won’t disturb my daughter’s feed. This is when I found out all the lanolin ointments were overrated. What really worked for me was the humble coconut oil which took off a bit of the sting, my own breastmilk, lots of air drying the nipple and a combination of mupirocin and metronidazole ointments between feeds twice a day as prescribed by my OG to prevent any infection. I continue to have plugged ducts even at 5 and a-half months post-delivery. But these days I just keep a grumpy face for 10 minutes, hope and pray my daughter, the savior pulls out the plug, 2 or 3 feeds later or 2 or 3 days later. I have stopped taking lecithin too. Initially I was very concerned with cleaning my breasts after every feed in the fear of infections. I gave up on that too when I realized, no matter how much I take care of my nipples, they were bent on getting sore, painful and kept peeling.

Treating breast engorgement

My body is still struggling to regulate milk supply and I often have lumpy (rarely leaking) breasts which threaten to get engorged. On this thought, for engorgement hot water compress works miracles, hand expressing is an art/skill that every new mom must learn and pumping for 2 or 3 minutes helps. Pumping more than 20-30 ml can mess up your body’s regulatory mechanisms. It feels like a thousand razor blades are cutting into your nipple repeatedly throughout the time the baby feeds when you have an engorged or really full breast.

Challenges of Breastfeeding in Public Places

I thought I would never be able to go out. I then discovered the art of feeding in our car and around other people (even strangers). Feeding my baby took priority over any sense of modesty I had, and she was bent on refusing nursing cloaks! I put myself in her tiny shoes, I wouldn’t want to eat with a blanket over my head.

I realized how little respect this world has on feeding moms. I couldn’t find feeding rooms even in huge fancy modern malls and in 7 star hotels that had space for huge jugs and vases in rooms but no space for a mom battling through her breastfeeding journey and her hungry baby. I respect every mom I have spotted feeding in desolate corners of these public spaces (sometimes even in those stinky restrooms) and shame on every person who runs these places and built these buildings.

Relief after 5 months

I thank my family and friends who stayed strong for me, every person who listened to my feeding woes and my baby who was patient with me. I wish every hospital had a good lactation support program. I wish I had known someone who battled recurrent plugged ducts and nipple blisters to tell me nothing helps, just patiently handle the pain except when you feel the pain is a little different then make sure you start antibiotics. As my OG recently told me, babies start drinking properly only after 4 months old, and true enough I feel things are starting to look brighter at 5 and a half months.

This has been the toughest journey I have embarked on. Thank God for my countdown app which shows me each morning that there is one day lesser to when I can completely wean my daughter off. Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter but breastfeeding has been a huge challenge for me.