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Submitted by Gopinath Ramak… on 18 June 2019
Family pic inside a room of a young woman with a white dupatta seated with her silver haired father in a striped green and yellow t-shirt on the left and her mother standing behind them in a red sari and blouse

Mr B. Sriram, father of Aishwarya, 38 on the autism spectrum shares a detailed account of their journey through the years, the various milestones, the challenges and successes in helping her become independent.   

Aishwarya Sriram, 38, is our ‘child’ with autism, female, being rarer than male on the spectrum. Unless one talks to her it is difficult to guess her condition. There is a popular Chinese proverb that goes: ‘The wind never ceases to blow even if the trees want to rest’. Ours is like an essential service with total attention and dedication at the expense of entertainment and we know of no rest except the time we sleep in. It helped that in one to one situation she performed the essential activities.

We have observed her unfailing memory, scanning ability, prediction and mind reading over the years.  She also has the knack of knowing things beforehand. She is the boss and she decides what to do and when. We are not known to many by our names but as parents of Aishwarya (Aishy).

Childhood days

I am a proud father who gets along very well with my daughter Aishwarya on the autism spectrum.  During the early years the load of my daughter's upbringing was on my wife Girija whereas I had to shoulder responsibilities on official work which extended beyond office hours, scheduled tours in India and abroad. But I was fortunate to get posted  in Madras right through official career. My role was limited to providing health care, transport assistance, covering other household purchases.

My care was more during weekends and holidays. We were in a sort of joint living system with my brother’s family with no clear demarcation of our boundaries. My wife had additional responsibilities to take care of my aged mother. We had visitors from the neighborhood and relatives from other towns who made periodical visits to see my mother. I chipped in so that our child was not left unattended.

Initial milestones:

My wife had a normal (but delayed) delivery. Recognizing mother’s face, crawling, standing, walking all appeared normal. Between second and third year some peculiar habits noticed. In particular she would not answer when asked for her name. She would prefer to sit alone quietly even for hours and stare vacantly.

Third Year: On the advice of a child specialist we consulted a psychiatrist/psychologist team who assessed her condition as Autism. What we thought as a sort of slow development turned out to be the dreaded lifelong condition Autism. We had not come across this term Autism before and it created anxiety in our minds. But we learnt from a special educator that training could help overcome certain challenges caused by Autism.

Doctors advised us to stimulate her into meaningful activity and not read books about Autism as it might be discouraging. But I did read and noted that in some countries they confine these children with Autism in a home as if they have a mental illness but in others the upbringing involved additional therapies advocated by a team of  Psychiatrist,  Psychologist, educationist with no separation in school campus.

Fourth Year: She showed interest in toys. Indulged in her own self play mostly based on obsession. She established eye contact to an extent and responded. From a quiet child she changed totally to a restless child running without resting in a place. She became hyperactive. I shadowed her wherever she went. Tried a tricycle for pedaling which she did. Throw a ball at her which she did not throw back.

Fifth Year: We placed her in a play school. It was noticed that she lagged behind other children in speech and mingling. The only plus point being that she opened her Tiffin box looking at the clock hands even without waiting for lunch hour bell to be rung.

Sixth Year: We put her in a special school. Here we got a chance to discover her memory power. She played with coloured toys and if we hid one item she would tell the missing item with its colour in a flash. She liked to hear light music and she would sing in the same order as in the cassette. She tried to tell small stories in short sentences. She got upset if she did not get what she wants; she would shout and create a scene.

She gives a name of her own to an article. At times she would try make us understand that odd name. Recollecting past events by self-talk started as a pastime and lingers on even now.

Seventh Year: Convulsive disorder made an entrance. As per advice of Neurologist we administered anti-convulsive drugs. She continues to be under treatment. 

In school Tamil got importance mainly because mother tongue goes well with basic education . She would write legibly her name, home and school addresses, birds, animals, vehicles etc.

She had a flair for mathematics and did adding, subtracting all correctly in a flash. Though not a good conversationalist it would not be possible to deceive her. Though in general children are active, she attracted all attention with some extraordinary cut above the rest attitude. When she got into a bus she would quickly spot a vacant seat.

Ninth Year: She managed her routine mostly by herself. When required she would seek help by calling out. She showed interest to read sentences in Tamil. Mostly she would remain aloof and avoided moving with others.

Change in circumstances

My  mother passed away in 1990.I  thought my wife’s free time should be channelized to study for a diploma in special education with NIMH. She did well and got employment with Maduram Narayan centre for early intervention .She became a popular teacher getting a good name with parents over counseling. My daughter at with a special school and commuted in a school van. 

My elder daughter Abhirami (5 years older than Aishwarya) did well all by herself but we could not pay the same attention that the younger one got. We regret this even today. She is a post graduate in English Literature from JNU,Delhi and Central Univ, Hyderabad and now employed as a chief sub-editor in FrontLine, lives in the adjacent apartment, is happily married, has a son and is shaping to be a guardian for Aishwarya .

Two important teachers who fine tuned Aishwarya in the special school left the service one after other over the years and she appeared to be stagnating with behavioral issues surfacing. We shifted her to a vocational centre of Vidya Sagar. My wife gave up her job at this stage. My wife’s parents came and settled down after retirement to help us. Aishy did not show interest in any of the vocational programmes in Vidya Sagar. So we tried private tuition with an arts and handicrafts teacher. But after two years this teacher too had to move due to her husband’s transfer. In spite of my wife being a speciall educationist Aishy did not do well in home tuition but pursued her hobby of assembling jigsaw puzzles at two centers. Taking her away from home for select hours seemed to work. 

The quest for betterment

But we felt there was a vacuum and at that time Sri Sakthi Academy was introduced to us for NIOS. Aishy again did not show interest in any structured programme. After a couple of years the chief suggested that I sit with her as shadow teacher as in the film Haridas. It clicked as the touch of a parent worked wonders. She wrote in Tamil everyday whatever appealed to her. This was published as a book later on. She drew sketches, typed in computer, learnt two tools to draw in Photoshop images of Hindu Gods.

In the evenings we take a walk on Marina beach or a park everyday for half an hour rain or shine. In addition she pedals the exercise bicycle with my counting system to indicate half an hour.

ADL Skills training at home

We took retirement in 2014 from Sri Sakthi  Academy and trained her in all household duties morning to evening under my direct supervision. She cuts vegetables, cooks in micro oven, steams idly in cooker, prepares rice, millets in pressure cooker on induction stove. Operates washing machine, vacuum cleaner all with one standard command and minimum supervision. She practices yoga with me for an hour everyday. We both learnt yoga from Prof.Krshna Vasudevan and we are indebted to him.

Sharing our experience of managing an young adult on the spectrum

We share our experience with other eager parents whom we meet in music therapy sessions conducted by Smt. Lakshmi Mohan. Aishy likes music, sings well for short durations but not on stage. Incidentally Aishy motivated Smt.Lakshmi Mohan indirectly to write two books based on Aishy’s talents and humor situations created.

We are thinking of dedicating our living space for therapies to benefit children with ASD if parents rather than professionals come forward with requisite recognized qualification and experience. 

The Father-Daughter Bond

Aishy is attached to me right from the time she gets up till retiring to bed. The bond is so strong and I never fail in my promise. All her ‘NO’s become ‘Yes’ if we assign a possible task and wait patiently. Rewarding system works with her. All her talents are recognized now publicly through media who approach us on days like World Autism Day, Disabled Day etc to create more and more awareness. 

I have the satisfaction of shaping her at home towards a less dependent life style and whatever years I missed for NOT being with her in my official career, I seemed to have made up after retirement.

I see the future for Aishy as a silent yoga therapist – she would perform and others follow.

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