31-year-old Shourabh Vittalmurthy was diagnosed with fibromatosis in 2016, and subsequently spindle cell sarcoma in 2022 and 2023. He shares his journey as a cancer survivor to show how adopting a positive mindset and staying resilient has been his guiding light through each challenging chapter.
When was the cancer first diagnosed?
The first occurrence of cancer was in 2016. I was pursuing my Masters in Manipal, India. A lump the size of a football, started growing out of my scapular region. I had my biopsy done at Manipal. A CT scan and a PET scan diagnosed the cancer. I drove my bike down to Mysore to stay with my family for support. I discussed my case with medical oncologists and had the lump excised by surgical oncologists in HCG Bharat Cancer hospital, Mysore. After the surgery I underwent radiation followed by chemotherapy.
Undergoing radiation meant missing my third semester at Manipal University. I was keen on finishing my term along with my batchmates. The only way to do it was to travel daily for two hours from Manipal to Mangalore for the radiation. I would leave the University at 3.30 pm, go to Mangalore for the radiation and be back in Manipal by 11pm. I did this for 45 days. It was a tough phase.
Listen to a discussion on Sarcoma here:
What was your reaction to the diagnosis?
I was shocked and concerned given my healthy lifestyle and diet. I would have gracefully accepted the diagnosis if I was older, but not at this prime age, where I have had 4 recurrences in 7 years.
When did you break the news to your family and friends? How did they take it?
I broke the news to them immediately. They were disturbed and concerned but their prayers have helped me sail through each time. They instilled the belief in me that I could fight this out.
Do you have a family history of this condition? Is it an inherited disorder? Was genetic testing done?
I had a genome test done that showed it was not an inherited disorder
When was the second occurrence of the cancer?
The second occurrence was in Dunedin, New Zealand (NZ) in 2022, where I lived and worked. For my surgery in New Zealand, I ran to the OT, rather than use the medical service. I wanted to enjoy my run before I headed into surgery which would put me on bed rest for two to three months with multiple blood drains.
Did you see a counsellor for support? Were you offered counselling by your doctor?
Yes, I did see a counsellor. In NZ, your workplace offers counsellors. There are cancer societies.
Did you inform your workplace? How did they handle it?
I informed them and they were very helpful. They offered counselling services and aided me in every single manner. There are many organisations as well that cater to and support cancer affected people in every city.
How has your family supported you? Who has been your biggest support through it all?
My family and my parents have been my pillars of strength along with my friends in India and NZ. My friends in Dunedin are my extended family. They even ran a fundraiser to help me manage my additional medical costs and sustenance as I was in bed for nearly 6-7 months in NZ, while my family was in India. I shall be forever indebted to my Dunedin friends for their support. I believe the strength of the wolf is the pack and the strength of the pack is the wolf.
What kind of specialists (including Physio/ Occupational therapist/ Psychiatrist etc.) do you consult and how often? How has physio helped you?
I consulted the medical oncologist and the surgical oncologist as well as the plastics department and the X-ray department every two months in NZ.
As a cricketer and an active sports person it is tough since the lump is on the scapular region. I thought I would not be able to use my arm but with physiotherapy and strong will power I proved this prognosis wrong. I made a comeback each time and enjoyed the sport at the professional level.
What changes have you made to your lifestyles because of this condition?
I quit eating non-vegetarian food, stopped eating outside and gave up the occasional social drink. But I don’t want to be a victim to cancer, so I do the things I love such as sports and staying active. I work on my will-power, self-belief, and listen to my body, taking small steps to get back to living my life king-size.
How did you mentally/emotionally cope with it all? Were there any specific times and issues that were difficult?
Cancer has thrown some unexpected challenges, but it can never take away my courage, hope, and resilience.
Being a sports person, I am mentally very strong and pace my thoughts well. It is mentally taxing when all the physical gains are lost due to repeated occurrences. It hurts to miss out on the football and cricket season due to rehabilitation or recovery from surgery.
I came home to India after three years because of Covid, looking forward to enjoying my two-month vacation. Just a day before my. departure, I saw the lump growing back while showering. It had to be operated. After two months another lump was seen, growing deep in my back. My two-month vacation turned into a yearlong treatment with radiation, and then chemotherapy.
I am currently under targeted drug therapy post the chemotherapy treatment. Out of nowhere there has been a lump growth on the right back whereas all the previous recurrences were in the left back or posterior chest. This could be a potential fifth recurrence.
This setback has taken a huge toll on me mentally as my career in New Zealand is at a standstill. I am still stuck in India with the continuous treatment procedure. My visa has run out and I have lost my job as well since I am held up here with my treatment.
I miss my friends and my Dunedin family who took care of me during my surgery and post-surgery rehab. I was in the prime of my career. Everything has come to a halt. I have been questioning the universe and its weird ways. I feel mentally devastated on two counts. One, I am missing out on my summer cricketing season and two, my career is at standstill.
To deal with these negative thoughts I have had to undertake mental counselling and therapy. The therapists and counselling sessions helped me to deal with the question that I was so focused on- why did this happen to me so many times at such a young age? Why me despite being so healthy and having a great lifestyle?
What were some of the challenges you faced?
Financial management has been one of my big challenges. I wanted my retired parents to enjoy their life. I had planned to use my hard-earned money to set up my life, grow in my career and get my parents to visit me in NZ. Instead, I had to use the money to fight an unwanted cancer and take my parents help with the financial needs. It hurts to see the reoccurrences and I always end up with the thought of why me. It hurts to see my earnings getting drained for a treatment of spindle cell sarcoma, which has no cause, but just pure bad luck!
The other challenge I faced was going to the hospital for the radiation treatment in India. Daily radiation plays a lot of mind games in your head. The daily travel creates mental and physical fatigue which is a big concern for an endurance athlete like me. No one likes to be in a hospital environment daily. I wish medical sciences finds a way to get the equivalent of the entire radiation treatment in one session or setting.
Post radiation I found Chemotherapy to be the most taxing and deadliest of therapies. Sometimes I wondered if this was treatment or torture. The loss of self-esteem, identity and the hair loss made this the toughest phase of my life but I kept the self-talk going. I am grateful to the Universe that it selected me for such a rare type of cancer, as if it knew that I was more stubborn than the persistent cancer and would put up a fight, unlike some others who are not so lucky.
A major challenge in India is that no care is taken to ensure that the scar of the surgery fades away. In NZ, they don’t want someone to feel insecure in public places like a swimming pool and they ensure that the surgery scars fade over time. The scar from the surgery in 2016 is still evident, but the scars from multiple surgeries which included the plastic surgery in NZ in 2022 have faded within a short time. I am not comfortable with the post-surgery scar. This time I am worried about the scars on the back.
Cancer brings with it fatigue and low self-esteem. I hate it when people sympathize, and doctors call you ‘patients.’ I wish they would use some other term. I don’t like the term ‘Sick Room’ for the place where patients wait for screening. I ensure I don’t sign up for these rooms, as the word Sick Room makes me feel mentally sicker.
Career hits with each recurrence of cancer is a major challenge. Close relationship takes a hit as well.
How do you deal with the stressors?
I have developed some ways of dealing with them. I do a lot of self-talk, I speak to friends, engage myself with Ted talks and podcasts and read a lot of books. Physical training and workout sessions, outdoor runs and birding with my camera are also good stress busters. Being close to people helps me, as staying alone gives space to negative thoughts. I take it one day at a time and try to realize my inner self.
Self-talk and drawing parallels from sports reminds me that this too shall pass. I compare my battle to a game of cricket. When you are batting, you are alone in the fight. Some days match conditions may be tough and unpredictable. On such days, you must stay patient, stay resilient and pace your innings or fight. When the tough phase is done, conditions will change and you will be able to dominate the situation and keep the runs ticking.
What are your learnings that you would like to share with patients in similar situation?
- Embrace your willpower. Believe in your capacity to heal. When you give up on yourself, you are blocking the good manifestations and powers of the universe.
- Smile, smile and smile. Laughter is the best medicine.
- Cultivate a positive mindset. It gives you the strength to face cancer head-on. I choose hope over doubt, courage over fear, love over bitterness and replace despair with determination.
- Focus on the support of family and friends and the compassion of your medical team.
- Appreciate the smallest moments of beauty in life. Embrace each day with gratitude.
- Never bend down to cancer. Stand tall and face the challenges. If at all the cancer beats you down, die a champion, but until then, live and fight like a wolf and a champion.
- Talk to therapists and keep questioning your medical team regarding each medicine they prescribe and the mode of treatment. Know about the side effects. Hold onto the knowledge that research and innovation are working tirelessly to improve treatments and outcomes.
- If it’s a recurrent tumour, remember that sometimes you have to win some battles more than once, before you win the war.
- When you feel discouraged, turn to the stories of other survivors. Their resilience is inspiring.
Be a beacon of hope for those around you. Your story can inspire others. Keep believing and keep shining your light. Thank you for sharing my journey. Hopefully it will help to motivate others going through the same experience.
