Philip Jacob, 72, who has Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer and has been under treatment since October 2017, demystifies life’s uncertainties as he narrates his own diagnosis of cancer.
I strongly doubt that anyone of us believes in immortality.
The adverb 'strongly' is used intentionally as experience has also exposed me to the existence of a lunatic fringe in every society.
The real question, in my opinion, is how many of us even reflect on it except in brief moments when confronted up and personal with tragedy or loss. I certainly do not. Not even now that I have been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer (Stage IV) and have been under treatment since late October of 2017.
Actually, even less now that I am aware that mine falls in the category of incurable, which effectively means that I already have the answer if someone were to ask me the question.
So how did I get here and why? Let me assure you that I have no intention of making any of you go through the life’s journey of a 72 year old! Especially one who has had many close experiences with hard evidence of mortality caused by a variety of reasons, including cancer. My condition is somewhat fluid on the “start” date and, as of now, on “shelf life”. This latter state has direct correlation with the concern and anxiety of loved ones among the nuclear family. The former merely reflects a lifelong indifference to the economic well-being of those in the medical fraternity.
It may well have been in November of 2016 when I was temporarily afflicted by erratic bouts of passing a little blood but resisted all attempts to make me undergo a colonoscopy. Fortunately, the bouts themselves passed a few weeks later and I was smug in vindication. In any case, my wife, Kaye, and I were mainly preoccupied with imminent plans to relocate to her roots in the US which she had left almost four decades earlier for a career dedicated to educating young minds.
The children, however, insisted that I at least get my teeth fixed – all sixteen that I could call my own – before that deadline dawned! Their collective persuasive powers were supplemented by Kaye without too much concern for political correctness and a dentist of their choosing soon presented me with a nine month schedule which included time out for his other passions such as trekking, mountain climbing and generally managing what he called his bread and butter source - a five thousand strong “educational” establishment somewhere in Punjab.
Sometime into the third week of this process, I began experiencing an uncustomary revulsion to food and found myself rejecting even some of my favored cuisine. I blamed it all on the dental procedure and said so with conviction when the dentist next appeared. He was, justifiably, as vociferous in his defense and suggested I get some independent examinations undertaken for possible causes. I shrugged but stopped short of suggesting he should have his head examined.
With a tug here and a tear there, they managed to complete the assignment two days prior to our departure in early July of 2017 with the proviso that I return for a review and “finishing touches” to the aesthetics six months thereafter. In the US, I continued to discard most of my meals but accepted the supplements discovered by my wife in the shopping alleys of multiple marts around our new home. We had purchased a beautiful one in a quaint town of 10,000 people where Kaye planned to start a new job and had settled in comfortably once our luggage shipment arrived.
A chance early retrieval was our digital weighing scale which I promptly mounted and discovered to my utter horror that I had lost 15 of my somewhat unflattering 88 kilos in the interim, a dubious accomplishment that regular exercise and hour long daily walks had hitherto failed to achieve! A set routine thereafter revealed a daily loss up to 200 gms which finally prompted me to action. We visited the local Health Center in the full knowledge that I was not covered by insurance of any kind there although I had taken the precaution of obtaining a Travel Insurance with coverage in the US before leaving. That’s another story though!
The Physician, a bright and highly qualified young lady of Khirgiz or Kazakh origin, ordered a few tests which revealed nothing to be perturbed about and, more significantly, eliminated some possibilities that she suspected. After a few more consultations throughout which the weight loss persisted (now 65 kgs) she suggested more specific tests which of course would cost the earth and some encircling planets. My kids had the ammunition they needed and my son in particular turned apoplectic given his own two year experience with a young cancer surviving wife! Three months into our long term plans I caught the earliest available flight to Bangalore where he and his family live. It took just one CT scan, which he had already scheduled, to demystify life’s uncertainties.
My daughter-in-law (now declared fully cancer free) got hold of her Oncologist, reputed to be among the best in the country. Given the nature of my affliction she prescribed a chemo regimen comprising intravenous injections of a combination of Gemcitabine and Abraxane focused on stabilizing quality of life. An interim CT scan and a recent PET scan have both revealed ongoing shrinkage of the lesions which had already metastasized, fortunately without impact on other organs, when first checked. At the end of 6 cycles (12 sessions) she has recommended two more primarily to keep a good thing going. Her target has always been the retrieval of appetite which happened about a month ago and reversal of weight loss. I am now up at 51 kgs from a disastrous 45 just six weeks or so ago!
So here I am, still as subject to mortality as anyone else but with a somewhat clearer destiny as recorded among those diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. Not knowing when it all began is a mixed blessing – I think!
Philip Jacob is an experienced corporate manager with more than four decades in diverse industries. He is Managing Trustee, The Gateway Trust in Dehra Dun, Uttarakhand focused on creating awareness about differently abled individuals and enabling them to live fulfilling lives with dignity and the highest degree of independence possible.
