Choosing Joy Even in the Darkest Hour

Submitted by PatientsEngage on 23 September 2021

Usha in front of a palm tree in her garden

Usha Jesudasan, author and motivational writer, whose three children were on the forefront of Covid care with one of them contracting the disease, feels no matter what our circumstances, we can choose joy as a traveling companion during difficult times. Read her simple thoughts to uplift her mood.

I’m flipping over the entries in my diary. One line keeps appearing again and again – be kind and make a difference to someone every day. This was the mantra that was drilled into me as a child. At the end of the day, I had to answer, ‘whose life is better off today, because of me.’ When I was younger and more physically active, I was involved with all kinds of people and children. Being a consultant on issues of peace, faith and healing for different organizations I travelled to places (Belfast, Cyprus, Romania, Africa, Brazil) where who I was and what I did or wrote impacted many people’s lives every day. Then I got older and one day found myself caught up with the pandemic, brought on by the SARS – CoV-2 virus. Everyone disappeared.

Making a difference

The summer heat was building up even though it was only the end of March. I sat on the steps, drinking my cup of coffee, wondering how I could still answer this question in my heart – to whom have I made a difference today.

The tree outside my house had new pale green leaves gleaming in the morning light. A noisy crow hopped around until I shooed it away. A rustle in the trees caught my attention. There was a mynah looking at me with yellow-rimmed beady eyes. He tilted his head this way and that then flew down from his perch and sat on the wall. I took another sip of coffee. The mynah tapped his beak on the flat surface of the wall. The crow returned bolder and noisier than before. I watched him over the rim of my cup. One last gulp of coffee and the thought hit me. These birds were talking to me. ‘Feed us we are hungry. Give us the water we are thirsty.’ Who said I had to make a difference only to human beings? I got up, crumbled some bread, spread it along the wall, and stood back. A lot of squawking and cawing and soon there were birds all along the wall, and, my, oh my, they were sharing their food with each other. I brought another plate of crumbs and placed three small tubs of water near them. I held my breath when they thirstily dipped their beaks into the bowls. A year and a half later, this is still my morning and evening routine – the birds get fed before I have my coffee. I make a difference to the birds. Thus came about one of the lessons from the pandemic.

Learnings from Covid

The second took longer to learn. A niece of mine, who had twins during the pandemic, brought them to visit me when it was safe to do so. In spite of having her hands full with two babies, she had brought a piece of art that she had painted which said, ‘Choose Joy.’ This was one of the most difficult times of my life; three children were on the forefront of Covid care when we did not know much about the disease. The worry lines on my face became more prominent after my younger son came down with the disease. I could not be near him when he was sick. No one could. Only a masked nurse with full-body protection monitoring his vitals. So was the message, ‘Choose Joy,’ one that I needed or didn’t need to hear?

The painting caught my eye wherever I sat - ‘Choose Joy.’ Most of the time my mind was numb with grief and fear. I desperately needed to hold my sick son and worried that my other son would get infected too. My fears over their well-being and safety played on my heart and mind the whole day. How in the midst of this, and the constant news of rising numbers of those getting infected and dying, was I to ‘choose joy?’

Joys in the garden

During my morning wander in the garden that day, I saw something which made my heart leap. The first small red tomato of the season. Reflecting on it later, I realized that though the little tomato had brought me much joy, I did not choose it to bring me joy. It came to me as very often joy does - as a gift that takes us by surprise. But was there a difference between life handing me a moment of joy and me deliberately choosing it?

Chronic illness does not make us happy or nice people to be around. Pain does not bring happiness; it makes us irritable and snappy. So too does intense grief and fear. We cannot choose to be happy when we are sick or grieving. But no matter what our circumstances, we can choose joy as a travelling companion during difficult times. Being happy is a fleeting experience; joy lasts.

So where do we look to choose joy when we or our loved ones go through periods of illness or mourning? I choose to look for it in music, reading poetry aloud to myself, looking through old photographs, cooking, being with close friends who linger over dinner and sharing precious memories.

I learnt that I choose joy, when I turn my thoughts away from myself and focus on others. The waiting room I was in was crowded and hot. I shared space with other sick, anxious people. In front of me, a young father was rocking his small crying son to sleep. Worried that the noise was irritating us, he peered over his shoulder and said, “Poor child is hungry. They told us not to give him anything to eat till the doctor sees him. ”

“No, the noise did not bother me at all,” I said. I made funny faces at the child to make him laugh. He smiled a toothy smile at me. Then he made funny faces at me and so we went on like this until his name was called and they went into the doctor’s room. I experienced joy despite still being anxious and afraid because I had chosen to look away from my own fears and pain. I often look back on this memory and still feel the glow.

Later that week, I was again put in the position of should I be anxious and moody, or could I leave all that the world was throwing my way by boldly choosing joy? I chose joy - I chose to listen to two dear little grandnieces of mine who were giving a virtual concert. They sang beautifully and I was smiling all the time feeling so happy.

Choosing joy is a conscious act. It is in believing that, ‘All shall be well and all manner of things shall be well’ even when it seems that it may not. Every one of us has learnt something from the pandemic and the way it has shaped our life. Sharing it is choosing joy!