Jyoti Gada, who fought long with vitiligo, has in the last decade come to terms with her white patches. Today, she has an Instagram page where she models for her clothes and is willing to start any conversations on the challenges of Vitiligo.
I have grey hair. I am fifty plus and fabulous. And, oh by the way, I have vitiligo.
You can’t miss my white patches. I have them all over my face and body. Under my eyes, nose and a broad stretch running across the top of my forehead. But I am no longer conscious or awkward about it. I no longer make attempts to hide or camouflage my vitiligo. I step out of the house without any make-up or concealers. I don’t get unnerved by unwanted stares, or lower my gaze in embarrassment. I live comfortably with greater acceptance and at ease with my body now. I am recognized today not because of my white patches but as an established culture entrepreneur and designer. I have my own Instagram page where I model for my clothes and creations. I wrap myself in layers and layers of self-assurance and self-esteem and face the world happily. Who cares!
Diagnosed with vitiligo
But 15 years ago, my story was different. When the first white little dots appeared below my finger nails and neck, I was least concerned. ‘Must be some routine discoloration due to hormonal changes,’ I reasoned with myself and moved on. But when weeks passed and the dots increased to pea-size, I began to worry. I visited my family a doctor and was diagnosed with suspected vitiligo. I was told to keep watch and apply an ointment.
I was aware that vitiligo is a skin condition characterized by patches of the skin losing their pigment. I also knew that there was no drug that could stop the loss of pigment cells (melanocytes). Chances were high that the discoloration would spread to other parts of the body. Thinking about all these implications and concerns, got me agitated and very distressed. Tears began rolling out and I could feel myself getting emotionally overwhelmed. What made matters worse was that I had separated from my husband and was living alone with my two young kids.
Determined to fight
I resolved to do everything in my power to control my white patches from increasing. As advice started trickling in from friends, relatives and casual acquaintances, I started paying heed and changing myself. Sometimes people in the market noticing my patch would catch hold of me and give me random mumbo-jumbo information on managing controlling vitiligo. I was desperate and was willing to listen to anyone or go to punishing extent.
My food intake was hit first. I had to cut down on some of my favorite fruits and vegetables, and restrict myself only to bananas and papaya. My diet was built around specific colours to beat the white patches. I was recommended daily chanting and innumerable offerings and sacrifices. I followed a daily schedule of smearing myself with different, sometimes foul smelling, creams and pastes. I visited every doctor suggested and tried varied medicines and potions.
Increasing patches
But nothing seemed to work. My patches kept increasing. Everytime I examined myself in the mirror, and found a new white area, I would hit a new low. I tried to hide my vitiligo to whatever extent possible. I would keep my fingers rolled up in a fist. I had switched to wearing closed shoes. I would wear to high-neck blouses to cover patches on the neck as I was a math lecturer at that time teaching business school applicants.
Within years, my patches had appeared below my nose, below the eyes, below the eyebrows, on the chin. It is on all parts of my body now. Now I had I had reduced going out much and socializing. I was tired of needless inquisitiveness and tips. I preferred to stay at home close to my children.
Changing life
Ten years went by like this – awkward and agonized with my growing vitiligo. But there were two factors that left a deep impact on me and changed my life. One was the free and easy attitude of my children. My children were young adults now with mind of their own. My son was working and my daughter was in college. They were not affected by my vitiligo. They understand my situation. They keep encouraging and motivating me not be bound by hindrances and unwanted pressures. ‘Mom you can do many things. Don’t stop yourself!’ They kept encouraging me. In fact they were a new confidence and were really my pillar of support. The second thing that helped me immensely was meditation. I have been very conscious and troubled all these years about my vitiligo. Meditation worked like magic. It not only helped me calm my mind but set me thinking anew about myself. I began analyzing and pondering about myself and my life.
No new patches
Since 2017, there has been no new spot. Things have eased out in the last three years. I do not harbor any more suppressed emotions or have bottled sentiments. My children have grown up and understand my completely. I have begun to hold conversations with myself and no longer feel troubled by my vitiligo. I practice yoga and remain calm within. All these changes have helped me hugely and given me a new meaning and nerve.
Advice to others…
- Be strong and keep going.
- Seek family support.
- Avoid interacting with negative people.
- Conquer your weakness.
- Do not go on a guilt trip. I used to be on a guilt trip always.
Know more about Jyoti on her instagram page @jyoti_gada
