Skip to main content
Submitted by PatientsEngage on 17 January 2021
Woman with metastatic breast cancer with her husband and daughter

Rucha Ambe, has spent the last 3 years battling Breast Cancer multiple times. She talks about how it has impacted her and how her family and friends have rallied around to support her.

Can you give us a quick synopsis of your breast cancer occurrences - initial symptoms, diagnosis, treatment.

First Breast Cancer Diagnosis

In end Dec 2017 I was diagnosed with Stage 3B breast cancer which was triple positive (HER2 ER/PR positive).  Apart from a lump in my breast that kept slowly but surely increasing in size there were absolutely no other symptoms. As I was a feeding mother with a 2.5 year old daughter the lump was largely ignored as a milk clot. Also I had had a natural conception, normal birth, no history of breast cancer in the family and had assiduously breastfed my daughter who was my first child. At the time of detection the lump was close to 5cm and had spread to my lymphnodes. The treatment prescribed given my general good health (no underlying conditions like diabetes or BP) was the holy trifecta - intravenous chemotherapy to reduce the size of the lump followed by a lumpectomy (breast surgery where only the tumor is removed keeping the rest of the breast tissue intact to an extent) followed by more IV chemo (total 16 doses) followed by 20 cycles of breast radiation.

At the end of this I was pronounced cancer free in Sep '18

Pic above: Rucha going in for surgery

Second diagnosis

In Apr 2019 my scar tissue from the previous surgery started aching with stabbing pains. Further investigations didn't reveal anything but I was asked to screen every 6 weeks. The first scan revealed a diagnosis of DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ where fast multiplying cells are still in the milk ducts and haven't broken out into the breast - also sometimes called stage 0 breast cancer). Given my history and quick relapse the treatment this time was a mastectomy (full breast removal). I chose not to do a bilateral mastec (removal of both breasts) as I harboured hopes of having a second child who I could still feed from the untouched breast. So as not to look lopsided I chose breast reconstruction alongwith my mastectomy surgery which was a 13 hour procedure. No other treatment was prescribed given that I had undergone the full chemo and radiation cycle less than a year ago. Full recovery took time and in Oct 2019 I was declared fit.

Listen to Rucha in the two webinar recordings below

Third Diagnosis

In Feb 2020 I started having 5-6 episodes almost daily - each episode lasting 10-15 secs - where I felt like I had to be extremely careful about my balance or I would fall with reduced hearing abilities replaced with the sound of wind in my ears. When the episodes continued even after ENT intervention, I was asked to undergo an MRI which revealed a 4+cm tumor in my brain. I was diagnosed at advanced stage 4 of breast cancer. While neurosurgery was an option it also carried the risk of coma while still not eliminating the cancer completely - a risk I wasn't willing to take and hence radiation was prescribed. I took 10 doses of whole brain radiation and 3 doses of tumor specific brain radiation. After this I am on daily oral chemo tablets which will continue till end of life. Typically for this diagnosis the mean life duration from diagnosis is 12 months +/- 6. I have been able to push that mean life survival beyond this narrow description till now.

Related Reading: What is metastasis?

Additionally I had to take steroids to combat brain radiation, BP medication when the chemo affected my heart, medicines to regulate body functions, hormone injections in the vain hope of preserving fertility and many painkiller doses.

How did you react to each diagnosis?

For each of my three diagnoses I reacted differently. The first time was with determination - I am young, I am healthy let me kick some cancer ass in style. How dare it affect me!

The second time was exhaustion - can we get over this already? It has to end sometime.

The third I am still processing - I range from disbelief (it can't be) to despair (what have I done to deserve this) to acceptance (it is what it is)

How did COVID impact your treatment options?

As I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer just before the lockdown and I stay in the same city as my primary hospital COVID didn't affect my treatment at all. It came under the aegis of end of life care and we were allowed full movement.

Of course we had to be extremely careful of avoiding infection and had scenarios planned of what to do if any family member contracted the virus.

Did it impact availability of/ eligibility for clinical trials?

Not eligibility but availability. Most clinical trials were stopped or under funded to focus efforts on covid vaccines. And while out of the thousands of trials I was eligible only for a handful, those also stopped taking enrollments. So right now the only treatment available is what I am taking in India.

How has it impacted your relations with friends, family, spouse, neighbours?

My spouse is my rock and I'm his. Cancer strengthened our bond beyond the usual. When you can see someone at their very worst, when they sport visually abhorrent wounds and you can still kiss and hug them - your love doesn't need any other validation. Of course the normal intimacies of daily life are affected but it could also be a manifestation of my insecurities rather than him. And while he supports me by taking care, I let him travel the world for work (US when I was in hospital recovering from the 13 hour surgery and multiple trips during chemo) and pleasure (he went to Russia for the football WC in 2018 when I was on IV chemo)

For friends and family I realized who would stand with me when I need it and who wouldn't and hence the focus going forward is only on those who I can depend on. I pay it back by being there for them. But earlier while we had a large network and even maintained familial ties with extended family , the circle has shrunk considerably letting me focus on the people who matter.

Thankfully everyone who mattered has been supportive throughout and I am very grateful for this circle of mine.

How does it feel being a parent with breast cancer and now with metastatic breast cancer?

Being a parent is tough even without breast cancer. Only difference that cancer brings is that your worst nightmare has a higher probability of coming true.

Honestly apart from the fact that I have to answer cancer questions from the kid time to time and keep reassuring her, it's a normal parenting journey.

With metastatic breast cancer the only new thing is anxiety for her future but I believe that I have successfully built a support system around her to carry her through life.

But I believe every parent does that - through insurance, strengthening familial bonds and a friend network. And while she has matured beyond her age after seeing my treatment, it is true for every child faced with adverse circumstances - no cancer needed.

Did you second guess any choices you made in previous stages?

No. I don't go down that route. Mainly because there is nothing I can change now. Whatever decisions were taken at that time were the best ones at that time given the information available then. Relooking at life affecting decisions with the privilege of hindsight can only lead to incorrect self blame and frustration.

Better is to accept the decisions taken and think and plan about the future.

How do emotions of panic, anxiety affect you? And how do you deal with them?

For panic attacks I hide away. I spend the day in bed with the curtains drawn and lights switched off. I read. I sleep. Basically I withdraw into my shell. After a few hours or in some cases days I feel secure enough to peep out and face the troubles again. The husband gets me food in bed which depending on the stage of the attack I eat or not.

For anxiety I eat. Thankfully the chemo keeps the weight down :)

Your biggest challenge is

Coping with the feeling of not doing enough. While I barely have the strength to get through the day each day and I actively engage with my now 5 yr old I regret the loss of a career, the loss of doing something meaningful with my time. Getting over this feeling of being obliged to everyone around me for helping me through the day and dealing with the thought that 'just surviving is enough is my biggest challenge - daily.

What helps you get through each day?

My daughter. She's the reason why I get out of bed each day. She's the strength that lets me bear each strength zapping, emotionally draining and painful procedure with a smile. She sends me letters in the hospital and checks my medication. Walks me to the bed when I can't and the feel of her tiny hand gives me the strength to go back.

But it doesn't need to be a kid. As long as you have someone, anyone, on whom you can anchor your life - that helps get through each day.

And of course - books and OTT content

Your one tip for people just diagnosed with cancer or metastatic cancer

It's not the end until you say it is. Everything - pain, embarrassment, disfigurement, can be faced as long as you want to see the next sunrise. So chin up and remember what you don't let kill you only makes you stronger

Complete the phrase

Motto - what needs be done needs be done
Strangest comment - can I touch your hair (during the regrowth period) it's hair! Why does post chemo hair have to be touched for reassurance that it's hair?
I fear - how my husband will cope after me
Best gift - Phantom of the Opera tickets at Her Majesty's Theatre, London
My biggest support - husband and parents
Annoying moment - when people ask me to pray for health (why do they assume that I haven't already or that their gods may be superior or that I would want to)
I love - vacations with husband and daughter
I wish - my daughter doesn't suffer due to my diagnosis (getting diagnosed herself or difficulty to find a partner because of medical history or choosing not to procreate because of medical history)
I hate - having to talk to people diagnosed with cancer (I do that frequently as a way of giving back and helping others through the difficult times)

Community
Condition