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Submitted by PatientsEngage on 5 January 2020

A divorce can be very stressful and a life-changing event. Deepa* recounts how emotional stress broke her down, took a serious toll on her health and set off frequent epileptic seizures.

Sometimes mental and emotional stress can lead to seizures… epilepsy seizures. I realised
this during a dark phase of my life.

I had an arranged marriage. Things went on pretty good until engagement. Our first interaction was very smooth and he exhibited flawless attitude and behaviour making me deny any background verification. The family did not expect dowry or a costly marriage. All this made us proceed.

Between engagement and marriage the impression created during first meet gradually began to disintegrate. I was afraid to say good bye, as it might become a black mark on me and expected things to improve after marriage. Today, I realize the delay in that decision cost me much more.

Upheaval after marriage

Our first wedding anniversary was approaching. Life had not been peaceful for either my husband or me in the last several months. I was not really sure on how much more I could bend down to bring harmony but wanted to hold on for some more time. My parents understood my situation, did not want to me struggle there and were ready to accept me back.

For a week, I did not open up to my relatives about my walk-out. The moment it was done, the consequences were overwhelming to bear. Not all were supportive. ‘How could you ever make such a decision’, ‘He is such a nice person’ and beyond all this involving a person who poses himself as a God Man. ‘Is this the way you behave for how you were brought up??’ ‘Call Him!!’ ‘Keep on calling Him until he picks up’ I was let down there. A more sympathetic response would have helped me be emotionally strong.

Felt like a sinner

New friends at the PG were also of the opinion that I had faltered, making me really doubtful about my decision and made me feel like a sinner’. I was afraid to face colleagues at office, just expecting a query from them about my family life, and always walked with my head bent down to avoid others, preferring to stay in my cocoon. The only one to console me in person was my close friend.

Almost every weekend either my parents came to Bangalore to soothe their daughter in sorrow or and I went home. Due to an interaction that I initiated with him with an unsteady mind, situations made my parents take me to a psychiatrist, with my consent. The one hour talk was insufficient and doctor’s advice to my parents did not help me at all, it only added more fuel to fire.

At one stage we realized that staying in the PG was not that safe or good for me. Finally, my mother came to live with me in Bangalore. We rented a house, paid advance money, bought a fridge, dining table and washing machine and other household items – in short, spent all my savings. 

By then, I could have initiated the divorce. I was still indecisive and anticipated him to get back to me. We women need to think thrice before making such critical decisions and have the confidence to stand by it. I had faltered there again.

Started facing health issues

Three months after I walked away, I started facing a health issue. Initially, I could find a different taste in the middle of my tongue, every morning, nearly an hour after I woke up. Then, a small thing that was at the same place, for example a pen, appeared moving. Once I regained my sense, I would notice that it never moved. This loss of sense lasted for few seconds, cannot say how many though. I slowly started hearing people around me gossip about walking away, when actually no one did that, again for a short duration. Slowly this moved to loss of consciousness for a few seconds (5 to 10 seconds), when it started, it was there few more seconds (20 seconds or so) after I woke up in the morning. Gradually the time period of unconsciousness increased, and I was moving my right hand when it struck me. Couple of times, the words I spoke were different from my thoughts.

Seizures can occur any time. It does not always have to manifest itself as they show in movies. I have had seizures in office, during sleep and also while crossing a road. When I have it during sleep I end up biting the sides of my mouth. It is not easy for us to identify by ourself that what I had is a seizure. In my case, we consulted our family physician who asked me to undergo an EEG, we got to know that what I had was seizures / convulsions from the EEG reports. Thankfully, seizures did not impact my memory and I was able to work.

Few months later, I received the divorce notice, with words preparing me mentally for separation, however asking to live together. The ensuing period was difficult for me with periodical neurologist consultation for epilepsy (no cure), visits to the lawyer and Family Court resulting in frequent leaves at office.

The ground floor in the Family Court here hosts Mediation Centers with most mediators genuinely struggling to ensure that marriages are not broken. In our case, the mediation process turned out unsuccessful.

Diagnosed with brain tumour

Meanwhile, my seizures showed up more frequently. It was not always that I had seizures when there was more stress. At times, I had seizures when I was near colleagues and was afraid whether they would ask me about family. I have also had it when discussing family details with my close friend. Many times, it occurred even when things were normal.

On the recommendation of my doctor, I got an MRI done. A brain tumour was revealed. I had to undergo surgery to get the tumour removed. When my life became a question, I understood that a marital status is just nothing and got the courage to face divorce.

Finally, learnt to live boldly

Today I do not hesitate to disclose my marital status. And to those who get AWED, I disclose the reason for my boldness. People will gossip. Their sentiments may not always match ours. We need to learn to mind our business, concentrate on our areas of interest and keep moving towards our endeavour. Those gossipers will not give us our daily bread.

Over time, I have learnt to live in peace and health!

* Name changed on request

 

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