Vikas Mehta, who lost his hearing ability in the midst of his high-profile advertising career, describes how after having conquered this difficult phase in his life, he emerged as a more confident person and a better human being.
Unfortunately, confidence becomes our biggest liability. When I was afflicted with Meniere’s disease, which made me hearing disabled, my immediate reaction was - will I be able to perform my duties as a husband, as a father, as a son and, in the Asian context, as a family provider, well enough? And the immediate reaction was of despondency and hopelessness.
My blinkered thinking
This happens mostly because we have blinkered thinking. I saw what was happening in my life from a myopic viewpoint. I was in the communication business working in an advertising multinational. The job was all about interacting with people: right from talking to clients and service providers outside the office, understanding consumer wants and needs to dealing with creatives, accounts, HR within the office -- everything was about talking, hearing and discussing. And, in any communication, hearing is given equal importance, if not more.
My first reaction after my hearing loss was - Will the business of communication continue to be my future? I was not confident.
At that stage, I had just got an international posting. Career-wise it was not only challenging and exciting, but it also meant that I would now be watched and observed by my peers and superiors more sharply. Plus, the challenges of an unknown country, people, language and culture were pretty daunting. The world appeared to be in simple black and white. Can I survive this and have a bright future or should I just give up and retreat into a black hole?
Related Reading: Vikas's Challenges at Work
My gains after hearing loss
The initial boost of confidence came from my wife. She propped me up well. She made me realise that I can compensate my reduced hearing with not only hearing aids but also my intelligence. Unknowing to me too, I was actually developing lip reading habit. I was getting pretty comfortable in one-to-one conversations as well as face-to-face meetings. This realisation not only boosted my confidence but also helped me develop another healthy habit. I stopped using the office intercoms. I started walking to meet colleagues and coworkers. This meant that I started developing good relationship with a wide array of staff, who otherwise, would have just been names and extension numbers.
So my hearing loss suddenly helped me develop 3 good habits:
- Lip reading.
- Walking
- Good interpersonal relationship
My world had expanded because I had a career threatening medical condition. The irony was obvious.
My wife, my greatest support
This is also to illustrate the role of family and close ones. I just cannot be where I am today without the support of my wife. She was not only rock solid but also suggested little things and solutions which helped me in my work. She would surf the net and look for alternate solutions. She would chat with doctors all over the world. Sometimes she would also show me some cases where the patients had gone on to lead a normal life. When I had a bad day at the office because my hearing had let me down or when I realised that a colleague or client was pitying me or irritated with me due to my disability, she would be the one who would encourage me to think positively.
“Even normal people hear things wrong many a times.” This, as far as I was concerned was the most potent insight she shared with me. I was becoming too conscious of my hearing problem and forgetting that so often in normal conversations we ask each other, ‘what was that”, sorry I didn’t get you”. So when I asked the same, maybe a bit more frequently, I was not letting myself down. I cannot even tell you how reassuring that one statement from my wife was. And in the darkest hour she would just ask me to relax, “main hoo na”( I am there). And, I knew things will turn around. The process of regaining my confidence, bit by bit had started.
Most importantly, as an individual one has to be confident in his/her ability. Confidence means a positive way of thinking. Dark thoughts, a listless life, not being able to enjoy the little things in life….that teleserial which cannot be understood unless it has subtitles, the excitement of sports commentary, the intense political debates with friends, enjoying the sounds of silence in the wild; all of it lost can be daunting. Yet, I started looking at not what I lost but what I gained.
A fantastic family support system. Every single day I look forward to be back home with my family. I love to take vacations with them. I have spent more time seeing my daughter grow than I would have if I had continued in my profession, normally. My family readily exchanged the city life for a healthy, relaxed and serene pace of life in a small town. I could therefore also be with my parents in their old age. And they are thrilled with my presence as, at this age, they are as much a moral support to us, as we are to them.
Good Health, Friends and Confidence
A love for walking. I regularly walk at least 5 kms a day. I go for treks, I have an extended group of friends there. And that has led me to be much more healthy than I could have hoped for. In the initial stages of my condition I was on extended steroids. The side effects for the same resulted in some other medical conditions. But walking has been a fantastic panacea for the same. I hardly take medicines now. And I feel more energetic and agile than ever.
In another way, I have friends beyond my professional life. People who matter. People whom I may not meet for a long time, but who are always there. Not just the partying, social friends, but friends who have taught me some better values. People who came into my life because my medical condition made me open up to them. I realised the value of face-to-face talking and meeting.
Finally, the biggest confidence I acquired is the ability to face life, face-to-face. I know that having conquered this difficult phase in my life, nothing can deter me. Strangely, I am also ready to face difficult situations, which earlier, under normal conditions, I would have avoided. So, if the builder is illegally felling trees or if someone is littering the road or parking wrongly, I am willing to take them on. I have not only become confident but I think I have become a better person and a better human. My myopic view has transformed into a larger social and human view.
This is my tale of confidence. I am sure if each one of us looks at oneself in a positive way we will realise our own potential. Get a good support system of family and friends. Develop some alternate habits. Stay positive and trust yourself.
