A Valentine's Day Special
This Valentine's Day we asked the spouses of a few of our contributors how they supported their partners during difficult times and what they would advise other spouses. They shared tips that work for their partners - practical tips, care tips, emotional tips. We look forward to hearing from each of you what works for your relationship.
Santanu Syam on his support for Piali who had Choledocal Cyst
- I ensured that I was always with her at the doctor’s chamber and the hospital during the investigations and discussions prior to the surgeries and stayed with her in the hospital room post the surgery – more as an emotional support as the quality of doctors and the facilities at the hospitals were impeccable.
- I avoided talking of the complications and creating a sense of panic or concern with our families who were in other cities and ensured they believed that I was in control and Piali was responding to the surgeries as expected. The assurance that all was well helped Piali remain positive during these days in the hospital.
- I let her independently decide with the doctors what she thought was good for her operation and recovery and never let her feel she was a patient who needed rest and treatment. The flexibility to decide what to do and when to do it –based on her interaction with the doctors - gave Piali a lot of strength to tide over these medical emergencies with confidence.
Khyati Nallawala on supporting her husband Vijay who has Bipolar Disorder
We were a few years into marriage and Vijay was struggling to cope with his Bipolar Disorder. Our daughter at that time was a toddler and amid this I quit my job as a teacher to be by family's side. This took a lot of pressure off him. As he got a grip on his mental illness, I goaded him towards physical fitness. We called over a Yoga instructor to train us both and there began our fitness journey which later led to our joining a Gym. He credits me for his turnaround where fitness is concerned. I realise that outreach to his community brings him great satisfaction and a sense of purpose. I have encouraged him at every stage to pursue his social objective.
Apoorva Oza on supporting wife Kirtida who was Sjogren’s Syndrome
- I take her out to her favourite meal/movie when she is feeling down
- I accompany her for any travels she needs to make as Sjogren India founder,which she cannot do on her own,and make it a holiday
- I manage the logistics when she is hosting a patients meet,and help her with her presentations
Mr. P.J. Rangachari on supporting his Jamuna who has Multiple Sclerosis
Firstly, a loving assurance needs to be given to the spouse that whatever happens, the husband and wife are both together in it and everything humanely possible would be done to make things better. Secondly, love and love alone can provide the strength to bear or combat any pain. Therefore, the husband needs to be loving and be encouraging in whatever the spouse wants to pursue or do or for that matter bear with what she cannot now do because of her ailment. Never make her feel inadequate just because she has some infirmity. As far as tips go, understanding, love, empathy and practical support on a minute to minute basis in a loving way are the only things that a spouse can provide. It's a journey of life together with all the good and all the bad - in a loving manner.
Elizabeth Misquitta on supporting Ignatius Misquitta who has epilepsy
- I told him to put my number on the bracelet he wears so that I am the first person to be informed if there is any problem.
- I instilled in my two daughters from childhood how to handle their father if he has a seizure attack.
- I am very particular that he eats, sleeps and takes his medicines on time, a discipline that keeps him fit.
Anindya Mohun Neogy, husband of Swati Neogy who suffers from Fibromyalgia
I helped her feel strong and positive through her health challenge
- By sharing the work load of household chores
- By not being finicky about petty things like food, cleanliness
Tips for other spouses are:
- Don't discuss her condition with anybody, specially within the family
- Don't get disheartened or frustrated when some renowned doctor or any doctor who you trust, rubbishes her claim of the nagging pain
