Do you think it is possible to find joy and motivation in cancer? Neelam Kumar, who battled breast cancer twice, began her quest for a happy ending that culminated with India’s first humorous book on cancer. Her belief - Write Your Own Life Script.
You have become popular as the author of India's first humorous book on Cancer, ‘To Cancer With Love – My Journey of Joy’. How did you embark on this idea?
I did not consciously set out to write India’s first humorous book on cancer. In fact I wrote it to cheer myself. When I was struck with cancer the second time, all I could hear were doomsday predictions. I was looking for courage and all I got was Bon Voyage confetti. So I picked up some best-selling classics to cheer myself up. To my horror, in “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch, the hero dies; in “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom, the hero dies; in “Grace and Grit”, by Ken Wilber, the heroine dies. After reading all this, I thought there is too much grimness associated with the word cancer. I wanted a “happily-ever-after” ending for myself for I had made up my mind to live. So, to inspire myself, I wrote, “To Cancer, With Love-My Journey of Joy”.
Could you give some instances of how you have introduced humour into something as serious and grim as cancer?
The humour is rather subtle - not in-your-face. But each incident makes you pause and question our society’s discriminatory attitude. For instance, there is the protagonist who has just had her hair shaved off, post chemotherapy and is as bald as an egg. She walks up to a very sophisticated guy in a swanky car and asks for a lift. The man looks at her in horror and backs off in full speed. That makes her say, “I told you, men are more interested in what’s on top of our heads than on what’s inside it.”
You yourself have triumphed over cancer twice. Are some of your books autobiographical?
“To Cancer, With Love-My Journey of Joy” is totally autobiographical. It will soon be published in a Graphic Novel adaptation.
What joy and humour did you find while battling cancer?
The humour lay in discovering what people really think about a person fighting cancer - the myths and the misconceptions. Many people still feel cancer is contagious. Indians feel cancer is punishment for bad karma from previous lives. Ridiculous! And this is the 21st century, mind you! The joy lay in discovering my own immense potential. I have a deeper compassion and a wider perspective now. All this due to my discovering the power of the Buddhist chant I follow. I give credit to the curing of my cancers to my strong faith in Nichiren Buddhism and the powerful chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.
You had breast cancer twice. Do you think women in India still shy away from breast examination and mammography?
Indian women find talking about their breast a matter of shame. This is why they are squeamish about discussing the breast's illness. Because of this myth of being a "good Indian woman" breast cancer goes undetected and untreated until it is too late. The myth of the Indian woman being a silent sacrificer is propagated by the woman herself to please society. She addresses that "funny feeling" in her body only after the entire family's demands, schedules and whims have been met with. Very often that is too late.
Extract from the book ‘To Cancer With Love – My Journey of Joy’, Chapter 3 ‘My Sisters: My Own Private Army’
‘It’s all going to be alright, Neelu!’ I did not know whether to believe their confident words or the deluge of tears washing their faces and choking their throats. I ended up patting their backs to console them. This time around, my sisters had decided to take full charge of me. Now that’s a dangerous term for us sisters, for in our enthusiasm, we become super hyper – virtual weapons of mass destruction. Launching into the spirit of the moment, each of my beloved siblings began competing with the other to look after me better. Cocooned in the confinement of such fierce love, I decided to surrender myself completely, sinking into the familiarity of sisterly care. It was like sighing a familiar secret into a well-worn, comfortable cushion. Mayhem reigned from then on. Crushed between my two beautiful sisters in the car carrying me to the hospital for my first chemotherapy shot, I became privy to a trip down memory lane….
I can guarantee you that the nurses at the hospital had never seen a patient being fussed over so much. As children, we may have often wanted to wring each others’ necks, but even the mildest sister can turn into a tigress when her sibling is in trouble. And this was trouble with a capital C. My sisters pointed out sharply to the caregivers and explained to them exactly who I was. They drummed into them that they were dealing with their Kohinoor jewel! Another talent we sisters possess is to create flash mobs and threaten lynching for those who do not take us seriously. To those who know us better, like our gentle-souled parents, they know it is simply histrionics. Being very vocal, my blood sisters told the medical sisters exactly what they thought about their lazy attitude, their lack of expertise in finding the patient’s frightened veins, and their lack of hospitality in the hospital. When my noisy entourage left, I could see the entire medical staff sighing with relief in unison. ‘There, there,’ said my sisters, clucking their tongues at me. ‘First chemo over! Now only 5 left!’
You are a reputed author of 5 books as of now. Could you tell us a little bit about your other books?
Actually I am officially now a writer of 8 books. My latest 3 are due for publication now. Let me list my other books for you:
- I, a Woman (Writers Workshop)
- Legendary Lovers, 21 Tales of Unending Love (JAICO)
- Our Favourite Indian Stories by Khushwant Singh and Neelam Kumar (JAICO)
- Myra- a book in 4 genres. (Image India)
- To Cancer, With Love-My Journey of Joy. (Hay House India Publishers, 2015) Distributed by Penguin
This has emerged as India’s first humorous book on Cancer. It is a bestseller. - This year I have written three books simultaneously and all three are lined up for publication —
- “To Cancer, With Love—A Graphic Novel”--India’s first Graphic Novel (comic book) on cancer.
- “I am a Sea of Possibilities”--India’s first Personal Growth Coloring Workbook.
- “Yes, I Can!--Inspirational Survivor Stories”--India’s first book on Joyous Survivors who have rebuilt lives far better after their adversity than the one they were born with.
All three projects have been funded by Mr Ratan Tata and Mr Amitabh Bachchan who have appreciated my writing.
Do you think ‘humour is the best medicine’ really holds? Is it truly therapeutic?
Yes. Humour is the only antidote to life’s ups and downs.
Could you recommend other similar books that inspired you, especially during your treatment?
None. As mentioned earlier, I read 3 popular classics “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch, the hero dies; in “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom, the hero dies; in “Grace and Grit”, by Ken Wilber, the heroine dies. I even watched the famous Indian classic movie, “Anand” in which he too dies.
Finding no ‘happy books’ on cancer in India, I simply wrote one.
You have had a very interesting childhood growing up in Russia? Tell us something about it. Does it feature in any of your books?
It does - in my autobiography, “Flying Solo” and in this book too.
I spent a fairy-tale like childhood in Russia. There were no books to read in the classroom in the Russian school, and frequently the students were taken into the nearby forest to pluck and eat juicy strawberries! In summer, for three months, we were taken to an idyllic summer resort called Anaapa. Our days were spent in diving into the Black Sea to pick up coloured sea shells; learning to swim and to sunbathe. In the six years of schooling we did there, we were not taught from books but from Nature.
Subsequently, I had to return to India and was sent to an English medium school. My English teacher found me to be so dull that she called me ‘wood sitting on wood’!. She even predicted that I would never be able to learn the English language.
What 5 motivational tips would you give our readers to cope best with cancer?
- Surround yourself only with positive people who help you grow in joy.
- Each person’s experience is unique. Please do not allow anyone to generalise or give you examples of what went wrong with whom.
- Write your own life script.
- The battle of Cancer must be first fought and won in your mind; your body will comply.
- Take up and dive deep into Spirituality. Have faith—you WILL win!
Besides writing, in what other ways do you spread inspirational messages about health and cancer?
I wear many hats, that of Communications Specialist; Soft Skills Trainer; Life Skills Coach; Motivational Speaker-- above all, a Life Appreciator. In each role, I spread hope, courage and joy. But I would like to tell you about the role most precious to me. Having been in the field of Training for 30 years, I am invited to take life-changing Workshops. I have now formalised it by writing my latest book, “ I am a Sea of Possibilities—A Personal Growth Coloring Workbook”. Having gone through 2 Cancers, I know that the journey can be very exhausting for caregivers, adversity fighters and others. Through my workshops such as “Resilience Building” and “How to Fight Adversity”, I help people confront, discuss and resolve the issues they are facing. Art therapy is very soothing and transformative.
I am on a mission to spread the message that Cancer is curable and those fighting it need everybody’s loving support.
